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One night at a hotel in kentucky

7/24/2017

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Have you ever been driving and mindlessly ran a red light or stop sign, only to narrowly miss getting t-boned? Or been walking across a street and have someone stop you as you were about to walk out in front of oncoming traffic? Ever have that adrenaline filled, racing heart feeling that comes with the knowledge that something very, very bad could have happened but didn’t? A few weeks ago, a simple stop at a Cracker Barrel on my way home from visiting a friend left me with that feeling so strongly that I had to randomly hug my two boys that were with me and tell them that I loved them and that I was happy to be their mom. My youngest nonchalantly said thanks but I think my oldest thought I was losing my marbles since he responded with a long, drawn out, and confused, “ohhhkaaaaaay.”

We had spent a few days in Kentucky and I thought that since we were there, it’d be neat to stop and visit the city I used to live in after college and grab some lunch on our way home. We pulled off of the old, familiar exit and stopped at a gas station to fill up before we ate.  I looked across the street and saw a hotel. Nothing terribly unusual about it - just your average 2 star budget hotel that you’d find off of any major interstate. But as I stood there in the heat by the gas pump, staring across the busy road in between me and it, I almost lost my breath when the magnitude of what had happened there (and what could have happened but didn’t) hit me like a ton of bricks.

For the past twenty years I’d believed that in my young and stupid days I had some friends that were nice people who were mixed up with some minor things. Some drugs, some minor fighting, some illegal gambling…but nothing that (at least legally) would add up to much. I’d believed that because we were all such a tight knit group that they trusted me enough to, on occasion, be “allowed” to help them with things. In return they’d pay me a little here and there. Nothing regular. Nothing major.  Just an occasional “thanks for your help, here - take this for your troubles” type of thing.

But as I stood there looking at the cars pulling in and out of the hotel, everything suddenly became crystal clear to me as to the truth behind what REALLY was going on back then.  I hadn’t worked my way into the inner circle of a group of people and been a part of their small time, neighborhood game. I had been recruited into something much more dangerous and serious, not as a trusted woman who had proven herself cool enough to be accepted by them, but as a young, naïve girl who was dumb enough to be used by them.

With no knowledge of what I was really into at the time, I had taken two large brown grocery bags full of bricks of some drug (which at the time I just assumed was marijuana but now have no idea) to a strange man in that hotel late one night. I drove several miles from the dealer’s home on one side of town to the hotel by the interstate on the other side of town with the drugs in my trunk. I had no insurance and expired tags. On the way I got pulled over and didn’t have my driver’s license on me. The cop let me go with a warning.  I continued driving to the hotel, got the bags out, walked up to the strange door and knocked - having no idea what would be waiting on the other side of the door but not feeling nervous at all because my friend said I was just dropping something off. I was so unconcerned that I didn’t even actively try to conceal what I was doing. When the large man opened the door and motioned for me to just set the bags down on the far bed, I did feel a little nervous but did it anyway. He was on the phone and told the person on the other end that I had arrived and things looked ok.  He hung up and he asked if I wanted to stay and smoke some weed with him and I told him no, that I should get going. He smiled and asked me if I was sure as he stood in between me and the door but did move aside when I assured him that I had to leave. I walked out the door, to my car, got back in and drove home. The whole time having no knowledge of what I could have likely been charged with had the cop been at all suspicious, had it been a set up at the hotel, or had it somehow gotten violent.

Then I started thinking about other events that had happened with these “friends” during my time with them and the pieces just started falling together in ways that had previously been obscured. These were not innocent, dumb young people nickel and diming their way through. They had a dedicated room in their house where at least 2-3 people were (almost) always there weighing and packaging drugs. There were multiple tables, scales, cash, and guns.

One evening I was in the living room with an adorable little two year old girl who everyone just called Sissy. Her dad came in with his brothers discussing in detail about how they had just gotten back from robbing their own father for several thousand dollars worth of cocaine that they could turn into several MORE thousands worth of crack. The youngest (and craziest) brother was saying that once the dad “came to,” he probably wouldn’t be able to ID them as the ones who robbed him.

The same crazy brother came in one night bragging about how he had just used his gun to pistol whip a campus cop. The next day I remember hearing on the news that a campus cop was attacked and was hospitalized and in stable condition.

They all had jobs even though they made more money than most people I’ve known.  When I asked about why, one person said it was so that it didn’t look suspicious for them to drive nice cars and have nice houses. Once I had just cashed my entire 80 hour paycheck and had all of the money stolen from my purse.  One of the guys there reached in his wallet and handed me enough cash to cover it like he was handing me a $5 bill. Another man lived in the nicest neighborhood in town in a beautiful house with his wife who was the head of some department at the local hospital. But selling drugs was the major income coming out of his home.

In one of the two dice houses that one particular family ran, I remember a local cop stopping by while on duty, grabbing some free beers and getting money from the armed guy who would take the payments. At the time I thought nothing of it.  Now I see that this cop was taking money to turn a blind eye to an operation that was housing illegal gambling, selling drugs and liquor (often to minors), and what I now think was most likely prostitution as well. It was a well oiled machine that generated enough money that at the end of the night it was divided up and put into bags…not wallets.

I don’t say all of this to revel in the dangerous excitement of it all (because looking back it wasn't exciting. It was a life filled with darkness and people who had no real hope). I say it because as I sat there at the gas station looking over at my two amazing sons and I thought about the Godly husband I had waiting at home and I thought about the amazing church family I was a part of, I got that “I  almost got hit by a car but didn’t” feeling. One small step and my life could have been hell. One step away from addiction. A small step away from prison. Potential homelessness. I could have very easily been a victim of rape or even death. I was so blind to reality and oh so clueless as to the potential consequences of my choices.

Back at the gas station, after my heart stopped racing and I hugged my boys, I was overwhelmed with thanks to God. Because I saw clearly how during those dark days when I had turned my back on Him and spit on everything that I had been taught about what was right and wrong, and I was so embarrassingly dumb that I thought I was actually in control, He still shielded me from a fate that could have been irreversible. And not only did he shield me, He proceeded to bless me with a life that I don’t deserve.

You can allow yourself to become blind to the truth all around you. I had people along the way trying to tell me. Some were more timid and tried to politely imply that they were worried. Others were screaming at me from the rooftops to stop being a moron. I thought all of them were judgmental  and overreacting.

So that was a whole lot of story and background to basically just tell you that when you are involved in things that are shady or against God’s will, you can’t always see things clearly.  Don’t be dumb. Because later on, if you are fortunate enough to not have major life consequences, you will look back at your younger self and feel embarrassed over how foolish you were.
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The gospel according to wilson phillips

6/26/2017

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When you are facing trials that make you want to throw in the towel and just give up, you don’t have to look far to find lots of words that bring comfort.

Maya Angelou, American poet and civil rights activist says, “You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it.”

Winston Churchill,  British Prime Minister during the times of Hitler once said, ““If you are going through hell, keep going.”

But above them all I have found that Wilson Philips, a terrible girl group from the 90’s, really nailed it when they sang, “I know that there is pain, BUTCHA, hold on for one more day, ANDJA, break free from the chains.”

No matter how strong you are or how well you endure whatever struggle you’ve been faced with, it’s never going to be easy or pleasant. But there will always be an end to it.

Just hold on.

Some day you will be able to see Jesus face to face. You’ll be able to just melt into him and let him completely destroy every stressful, painful, and sad feeling you have ever experienced with His overflowing joy and overwhelming love.  He, the creator of the world, will confirm that YOU were the center of his universe. He will rejoice over you with songs. You did it. You survived life. And because you held on and clung to him in faith, He will reward you with a life in paradise that will never end.

THIS is the real motivation we have to keep us going.

Just hold on.

"Behold, he is coming with the clouds, and every eye will see Him…As for you, go your way until the end. You will rest, and then at the end of the days, you will rise again to receive the inheritance set aside for you…He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain…He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs. For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison" - Revelation 1:7, Daniel 12:13, Revelation 21:4, Zephaniah 3:17, 2 Corinthians 4:17
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in memory of kevin

6/13/2017

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Today I attended the funeral of a man named Kevin. He was a man that impacted the course of my life in ways that I can’t begin to explain in a single blog post - yet until today I didn’t know much about him at all.

Kevin was the chaplain at the state prison where Alfred first began volunteering. He was a man who had the rare combination of being a theological scholar while still being outwardly warm and spiritually enthusiastic. He was the man who was responsible for convincing Alfred to become a regular volunteer at the prison. But he wasn’t satisfied with that and made it his mission to fan the flames of ministry in the heart of my husband, mentoring him, and helping to open doors to Alfred within the prison that would otherwise have not been available to someone who was “just” a volunteer.

Pre-Kevin there was a time when Alfred had two full time jobs and a part time job – all secular and all over an hour away. It was a period of loneliness for me and a period of mental, physical, and spiritual exhaustion for Alfred. Post-Kevin, Alfred was instilled with the knowledge and confidence he needed to take the plunge and trust God to provide for our needs. He committed himself 100% to ministering at two state prisons, Ohio’s death row, and eventually at our local church. He had spiritual purpose and was no longer quenching the call that God had placed on his life. Were it not for Kevin, that may never have happened.

Today I learned that when Kevin was first converted to the Lord, he committed himself to following God “whenever, wherever, and however.” I also learned that he convinced many other people to make that same commitment. As I listened to people speak about the impact he had in their lives, it touched me to see how doing things God’s way not only shows immediate benefits, but also has ripple effects that extend beyond our limited vision. Kevin’s dedication to the Lord didn’t just help Alfred become a more effective minister of the gospel at the Ross Correctional Institution, it also made him a more joyful person, a better husband and father, and a bolder, more Spirit-led preacher.

So even though I didn’t know Kevin’s middle name, his love for a particular Bob Dylan song, or his favorite Bible passage, I reaped the benefits of his faithfulness on a daily basis. And for that I will be forever thankful.


“Blessed are the dead who die in the Lord from now on." "Yes," says the Spirit, "they will rest from their labor, for their deeds will follow them." Revelation 14:13
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When your weight is weighing you down

5/23/2017

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If you feel beaten up and scarred from the wounds that your battle with weight have caused, I understand where you are. I don’t have the magic answer or Bible verse that will all of a sudden give you the bolt of motivation and confidence you need, and if I could just wipe away all of the feelings of fear, failure, embarrassment, and hopelessness for you I would. But chances are that you’ve heard all of the platitudes and advice a million times from friends, family, doctors, and inspirational internet memes anyway. Anything I can say will not be new.  But I can let you know that you are not alone and that my heart hurts with you and for you.  And I can let you know that even if I don’t know you, I am sure that despite what you may think about yourself, you DO have the ability the win the war (no matter how many battles you’ve lost this far).

If your BODY has become a physical barrier in your everyday life, I get it. There were certain chairs and couches I would avoid at the homes of friends and family because I knew how ridiculous I would look trying to get back up if I sat in them. There were (and still are) certain restaurants that I will not frequent because I know that they only have booths with fixed benches - most of which are not made for people of my girth. I’ve missed out on entire vacations because I couldn’t walk comfortably for long periods of time without being out of breath and in pain. Shaving my legs, tying my shoes, cleaning my house, walking up the steps at a movie theater, and trips to the grocery store often required specific effort and modifications.

If your MIND has become an emotional barrier to your everyday life, I get that too. When you are in the throws of a deep battle with your weight, it goes so much deeper than numbers on a scale. I can imagine that losing that winter weight so you can fit into your summer clothes can be frustrating, but staring down the throat of the issues that face someone who needs to lose 50, 75, 100, or 200+ pounds to just be considered normal is downright overwhelming:  fear of keeling over from a heart attack, depression over body image or limitations, shame for letting things get so out of hand that you are officially in the “morbidly obese“ category, pressure from well-intentioned loved ones, and the guilt…oh, the guilt.  It hurts my heart because I know the feeling of drifting off to sleep for nights on end promising myself that tomorrow will be better. I know the pain associated with binges, with starvation, and with the frustration of having to deny yourself things that other people are allowed to enjoy.

Pretty gloomy post so far, I know.  But here is a bright spot (kind of) - you really are a terrible judge of your own character and the worst thing you can do is to act solely on what you believe you can do or feel like doing. Listen to the hokey fitness gurus on TV, your best friend who sees your inner Rocky Balboa, or the Apostle Paul who says you can do all things through Jesus. Your weight may always be a battle that you have to fight, but it doesn’t have to be a battle that defeats you. After losing 130 pounds, I still weigh over three hundred pounds. I have been on a stall for almost 2 months now. I understand the struggle. I still have some limitations. But holy smokes, I have changed my mind. There was a time when if you told me I would've taken my kids to the zoo and walked around for eight hours (even choosing steps over an elevator at one point), I may have laughed at you.  But two days ago that is exactly what happened. And it wasn't until the day was almost over that the magnitude of the difference between where I was and where I am hit me.

I look at my journey and can cringe and be sad over where I’ve been, but I see light up ahead and feel proud of where I am -EVEN when I have moments of discouragement and fear.

You can change your body. You really can. But you don’t have to wait for your body to be at goal before you give yourself permission to be happy with where you are at currently. Try to ban the negativity from your inner dialogue and replace it with words and thoughts that inspire you to see that you are capable and worth it. Celebrate and let the victories that seem insignificant sink in. Reward yourself for every little thing.

I know you don't want to hear it for the millionth time, but take it from someone who two years ago might have mentally cursed you if you said it to me - You really do need to start by retraining your brain. In this fight against our weight, it really does begin in the mind.

“And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.” Philippians 4:8
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Letting people go

5/17/2017

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There comes a point when people’s minds become so hardened to sin that they can know what the truth is and still choose to do wrong. They know what God wants of them but they make excuses as to why they can’t obey. In the Bible, God calls it having a debased mind or a reprobate mind. And when someone’s mind becomes debased, God says to let them go and let them feel the consequences of their own decisions (Romans 1:28).

We can try to manage, manipulate, and control people in our lives in an attempt to keep them in line, but if their minds and hearts are not interested in obedience, we aren’t doing them any favors. We may even be prolonging the inevitable thing that may be what’s needed to drive them to repentance.

The father in the story of the prodigal son did it. His son, knowing what was right, chose instead to leave home and squander his inheritance. The father didn’t chase after him when he ran away to a strange country.  He didn’t go rescue him when his money was gone, he was friendless, homeless, and starving. He didn’t cushion him from the destruction that the son was bent on bringing onto himself. He let him go. He gave him over to his own desires. The prodigal son only recognized his stupidity once the consequences of his actions brought him to his knees, quite literally, in the pig-pen of sin and filth (Luke 15:11-32).

Jesus did it. There was a young, rich ruler who Jesus loved. The ruler asked Jesus what he needed to do to be saved. Jesus told him and the ruler didn’t like what he was told. Jesus watched the young man walk away in tears, unable to do the one thing He had asked of him. Jesus didn’t chase him, rationalize everything and beg him to be obedient. He spoke truth to him and let him go, watching him as he walked away (Mark 10:17-27).

I know it’s a battle. I used to fight it all of the time in my own head.  Arguments like, the Bible tells us to be long-suffering or we shouldn’t judge others made feel guilty all of the time. But you know what? Now I am at a place where I feel guilty when I choose to casually hang out and fellowship with people who are openly spitting on Jesus and His sacrifice (Hebrews 6:6).

Yes we need to be long suffering with people who are making an honest effort. And we don’t have the authority to judge people’s eternal souls. But God says that light has no business fellowshipping with darkness (2 Corinthians 6:14). And that we are actually required to rebuke people who are in sin (James 5:20, John 7:24), encouraging them to live up to the standard that God himself has laid down for us all. And he says that if people refuse to repent and change themselves, to not even eat with a person like that (1 Corinthians 5:11).

I know that sometimes the things God asks us to do seem unfair. They can seem counterintuitive. They can be hard and unpopular. But He asks us to trust the fact that His ways are higher than ours and His thoughts are higher than ours, that he is working everything out because he loves us, and that when He says something, His words will always be proven to be true (Isaiah 55:8-11).

​If someone is seeking truth, and you give it to them, they are going to try and obey it. If they don’t, they aren’t really looking. And if someone isn’t interested in obeying the truth they know, I’m telling you that not only is it o.k. to let them go, it is God’s will.
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plateau shmateau

5/15/2017

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I’ve hit a weight loss wall. A plateau as they call it. For about two months now I’ve fluctuated up and down - gaining and losing the same 5-6 pounds.

I hear it’s a normal part of the process. I hear that my body will adjust and the weight will start coming off again. I hear that as long as I just make good choices, the process works.  I hear people say that you can lose inches even if the pounds aren’t going down. I hear people tell me that I’m looking well.

But if I hear those whispers in one ear, I have different voices screaming in my other ear.

You are messing this up. You’ve stretched your stomach out. You’re going to put all of the weight you’ve lost back on. You are fat and gross. You are right back where you started. You are a failure.

I know it sounds dramatic. And I don’t even like to vocalize the thoughts because I know how destructive that kind of thinking is. But if I’m being honest, they are still there - lurking and just waiting for the opportunity to jump in and sabotage any forward mental and physical progress I‘ve made. 

In my own personal struggle, I have learned that negative self talk is harder to give up than soda, more addicting than sugar, and more destructive than Olive Garden’s Steak Gorgonzola Alfredo. And if I don’t keep it in check and at bay, it is quick to take over.

Overall, I’m still on the positive end of the mental spectrum. I recognize the forward progress I’ve made both physically and emotionally. But today I am keenly aware of what a counselor once explained to me - that I sometimes engage in catastrophic thinking. 

The heart is deceptive above all things (Jeremiah 17:9).  My feelings are not facts.  No matter how I may FEEL, my actions are what will determine my success or my failure.  These are the things that I remind myself of daily.

I will put in my ear plugs and stay the course.​
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self induced mental illness

5/8/2017

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Sometimes mental illness is brought on by poor decisions and lifestyle choices.

Before you yell at me, yes, I know that sometimes it is also beyond one’s control. I am not denying the existence of clinical depression, being bi-polar, having obsessive and/or compulsive disorders, PTSD, social anxiety, or any other myriad of disorders that are out there. Sometimes they are totally legit. I get it. I agree. I’m not talking about that. There’s my disclaimer. But SOMETIMES people are diagnosed as mentally ill when the issues are really spiritual ones.


Actually, I’m pretty sure that deep down inside all of us there are crazy seeds. Little nuggets of nuttiness that just sit there waiting and wanting to be fertilized and nurtured into full blown gardens of mental dysfunction. Usually they are dormant, only showing themselves on occasion when you wig out on the kids for putting dirty laundry away in their drawers, when it’s gloomy outside and the thought of leaving your house overwhelms you, or when the car in front of you cuts you off and then decides to hit his brakes. But sometimes people take those seeds and instead of doing what they can to keep them at bay, they actually nurture and feed them. Like Miracle Grow on one of those giant tomato plants, the crazy grows past what is normal and blooms into something bigger.

“Isolation cooks the crazy.”  It’s one of my husband’s favorite sayings because time and time again it proves to be true. There is a strong correlation between cutting oneself off from other mentally healthy people and losing it yourself. Humans were created to be social creatures. We were meant to have other people in our lives to enforce our checks and balances. In the Garden of Eden, God himself said that it is not good for man to be alone. And when people start to separate themselves from others too much, it becomes evident. Your grip on what’s normal and truthful begins to slip.  And when truth no longer plays a factor in your mental decision making, you open the door for all sorts of irrational thinking to take over.

And not to sound like one of Job’s friends, but you know what else plays a major factor in poor mental health a lot of times?  Good, old fashioned sin.  I know it’s not a popular idea these days to say that there are things that are just clearly right and wrong, but it‘s true. It’s why sane people know that it’s not o.k. to murder people. Certain things are hardwired into us. And when those things are violated, it changes the way our minds work.

Addiction is a big one. If you smoke crack, it’s going to rewire your brain. Same with alcohol, sex, and even sometimes food. Chemical and physical changes in our brains can be manifested by moral choices. There are a ton of stats that talk about the tie between mental illness and addictions. I know there is a “which came first the chicken or the egg” debate surrounding them, but honestly, both are true. Sometimes people are more prone to be addicts because of mental illness and sometimes mental illness is a byproduct of addiction. 

Addiction isn’t the only one though. If you find yourself existing under a constant blanket of guilt because you are living in a way that you know you shouldn’t, if you continually focus on grim and negative thoughts, on what you aren’t capable of instead of what you are capable of, or on every bad or unfair thing that has happened to you, it is going to cause you to feel depressed and anxious. Your fears increase. Your mistrust of others increases. Your desire to do mentally healthy things decreases, and before you know it, you are in full blown crazy mode. While it may have evolved to a place that is truly a medical issue, it started off as something that could have been totally preventable.

Psalm 32:3 says, “When I refused to confess my sin, my body wasted away, and I groaned all day long.”

Romans 6:16 says, "Don't you realize that you become the slave of whatever you choose to obey? You can be a slave to sin, which leads to death, or you can choose to obey God, which leads to righteous living."

Our moral choices have physical consequences. And we can become enslaved to them.

If you suffer from mental illness, get medical help if you need it. I’m not denying that is sometimes necessary and beyond your control.  Even if it was initially caused by sin, sometimes medical intervention becomes a necessary step towards healing. I’m not trying to pile guilt onto an already complex problem.

But if you find yourself just now starting to struggle with some of these mental traps, check yourself and your behaviors now. Make necessary adjustments before your crazy seeds bloom into a full blown garden of nuttiness.
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your Fairy tale romance

5/1/2017

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Today my parents have been married for 46 years..

I’d love to tell you the story about how they were childhood sweethearts who fell in love and graduated from high school together - dad in his letterman jacket and mom with her Annette Funicello haircut. Or about the beautiful wedding they had in a small country church surrounded by all of their friends and family. Or to tell you about what an amazing provider dad has always been and how mom’s starry eyed adoration for dad is just the cutest thing you’ll ever see. And I’d especially love to tell you all about how amazing, well-rounded, intelligent, physically attractive, and gifted in writing their children are.

But the truth is that mom and dad dropped out of high school. They met and got married pretty quickly. Mom wasn’t legally old enough to get married so they got a fake birth certificate, went to Michigan, and eloped above a funeral home where their ceremony was performed by a man who they found out years later wasn’t actually licensed to perform marriages (I still like to rub it in to them that I was a love child born out of wedlock). Early in the marriage dad couldn’t keep a job. Mom struggled with loving her husband, much less liking him and didn‘t really know how to be the wife God wanted her to be. They partied a lot and they both probably wanted to walk away from time to time. And the kids…well, let’s just say that the earlier description couldn’t have been any more accurate.

There is no such thing as a perfect marriage. Honestly, on the overall scale of perfection I would say that most normal marriages hover in the middle most of the time. There are periods in every union when that scale may slide dramatically to the left or to the right for a while - but don’t feel like a failure or feel disappointed that you and your Prince Charming (or Princess Charming) don’t seem to be living up to the fairy tale standard.

Marriage can be hard. Like REALLY hard. Like the kind of hard where you wonder how you’re going to make it through the day without throwing something or walking out the door.

But sometimes, the most impressive marriages aren’t the stories with the flowery pink details and the horse riding off into the sunset. They are the stories that show a love that has withstood the test of time. It’s the couple who despite repeatedly hurting each other’s feelings have remained vulnerable. It’s the men and women who have looked things like poverty, illness, betrayal, death, addiction, or dishonesty in the face and said, “that really sucked but we’re not giving up” that show what it means to really love. It’s the old man and woman who can sit next to each other when they are eighty and look back on their lives and see everything that they went through and then look at each other with pride knowing that they survived it together.

Mom and Dad eventually found their way to the Lord. Dad grew up, got his act together and became a wonderful provider for his family. He took care of his wife and kids until the day he retired. Mom fumbled through the early years but over time has become a woman who has been selfless in serving others - including (and especially) her husband. They’ve faced struggles that would’ve sent lesser couples to the courthouse but they stuck it out. They still get on each other’s nerves here and there but when you’ve been together for almost 50 years, I can imagine that’s probably pretty normal. Every day they still spend some time sitting in the living room checking the newspapers, creeping on people’s Facebook pages together, or hitting up the thrift stores.

Don’t let the phony standards portrayed in Hollywood or in Harlequin novels fool you. At times marriage can look a little less like Ward and June Cleaver and a little more like Dan and Roseanne Conner. There will be fights. There will be times when things seem cold and empty. There may even be times when you wish you would’ve never gotten married. But never underestimate the importance and the value of just sticking with each other through sickness and through health, through richer and through poorer.

It’s worth it.
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stuffyourfaith 2.0

4/24/2017

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How many times have I said that I was going to get back into this whole blogging thing?  Oh…I’d say I’ve publicly spoken it a minimum of four to five times. But in my own head it’s been many (MANY) times more than that. And I’ve meant it every time. I haven’t been lying, just…waiting for the right moment. Which just never came. Don’t judge.

I finally decided that now is as good of a time as any. Carpe Diem. That’s always been my motto.  (Not really. I actually don’t think that I have ever said that with a straight face and meant it.  But I did REALLY like the movie The Dead Poet’s Society.) I guess I am just done waiting for some great big inspiration to fall on me. I need to just start writing something. Anything.

I was having a hard time writing because I felt stuck. I felt like I had this major life change when I had gastric bypass and there should have been so much to share and say as things in my life were so dramatically altered. But the reality is that things aren’t THAT much different. Sure, there are some wonderful things going on. Renewed energy levels, shrinking clothes sizes, overall improvements in my health. And yes, I know that all of those things are major victories and hopefully there will be more and more of those on the horizon.

As far as my strengths and struggles go – still the same. Things that make me happy and things that tick me off – still the same. Things I have a hard time letting go of – still the same. So whenever I sat down to write, I felt this pressure to say something profound about my weight loss experience and it just never came because a lot of it had already been said. So then I’d want to write about something funny that happened to me that day or about some profound spiritual thought I’d heard but when I’d sit to write it, I felt like I needed to somehow tie it back to my weight loss, because that’s what this blog started off as after all – a weight loss blog.

So I have decided that I’m just going to write about whatever I want to. It may be about weight loss. It may be about Jesus. It may be about how my four year old will only flush toilets with his elbow or his foot because he thinks that then he doesn’t have to wash his hands.  I might even get fancy and throw in a guest writer or a contest here and there. (I know. Try not to get too excited). But whatever I write about, my goal is to just be open and keep it real. I think that’s a goal I can stick to.
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"A Change Is Gonna Come"

4/6/2017

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