There are certain things that I don’t like to think about. Not only do I not like to think about them, sometimes I purposefully push them out of my head. I’m sure you have them too - the things that creep up on you as your trying to go to sleep or when the house is quiet. They are the things that you don’t want to speak on or acknowledge - sometimes even to yourself.
What is it that you don’t want to think about? How your weight is adversely affecting your health? How it is affecting the people around you? Or maybe it’s not weight related. Maybe it is how much money you owe. How you know you should be a better wife, husband, mother, or father. That person who abused you or abandoned you as a child. Maybe it’s the person that you have abused or abandoned. We all have something.
In this journey, there is one thing that hurts my heart, makes me feel guilty, sad, angry, and helpless all at the same time. I have a seven year old son who weighs 120 pounds and already shows signs of having food issues. He shows visible signs of anxiety when he feels he is being denied food. He has a hard time finding clothes that fit. He has been told by other kids that he is fat. And it’s my fault. This is a truth that hurts me. I get immediately defensive about my role in it. As a mom, the last thing I want to think about is that because of my own habits and choices, I may be causing my own child to develop issues of his own that he’s going to have to handle as he gets older.
I don’t like to accept the reality of it, but today I am making myself see the truth and sit in it. Not to pile guilt on my own head, but to be able to see the situation for what it is and figure out (with the help of my husband) how we move forward as a family from here on out.
When we refuse to accept the truth and see it for what it really is, it is just going to continue lurking in the back of our minds, causing stress and grief. It can’t be fixed if it isn’t out in the open. No matter how hard we may wish the truth away, it will still be there.
You still owe the money even if you don’t know an exact amount. You are still going to be held accountable for the type of mom/dad/husband/wife you were - even if you are in denial about your responsibilities. That person who hurt you may need to be confronted. The person you hurt my need an apology. Pretending the truth isn’t there doesn’t make it reality.
When the Bible says, “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength,” it really does mean ALL THINGS. If there is something in your life that is so big that you feel like you can’t possibly handle it on your own, that is okay. You don’t have to rely on your own strength alone. We serve a God who is powerful, loving, and knows exactly what we need in order to find healing. You just have to let Him in enough to give him control over your circumstances.
“I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit.” Ephesians 3:16