It's embarrassing when you've finished a plate of food with no problem and the person next to you (who has ordered the same thing) exclaims, "I couldn't eat another bite! I'm stuffed!" and they still have 1/2 of the food left on their plate.
It's embarrassing when you go out to eat and have to ask for a table because you never know how much room there will be if you get a booth.
It's embarrassing when your shoe comes untied in a public place and in order to tie it, you have to hold your breath and contort your body into unnatural positions to fix it.
It's embarrassing when you are working out at the gym or with friends and trying to hide how out of breath you really are.
It's embarrassing to put your weight on your driver's license.
It's embarrassing the first time a child, who doesn't know any better, comes up to you and says "You're fat!" in front of other people.
It's embarrassing when someone asks you what size you wear.
There is a lot of shame and embarrassment that comes along with being overweight. And I'm sure there are a hundred things that I haven't listed that others could add as well.
Feeling that sense of shame and guilt over your weight is something that you can't understand unless you've been there. That's why people sneak food. It's why people try to wear clothes to make them look smaller. It's why people lie about their weight.
Society has made people who are overweight feel that we are not good people. There is this underlying implication that secretly we all sit on the couch all day eating hamburgers and ice cream and yelling at our children to fetch us our stuff while we mindlessly flip through the channels in our pajamas.
We are lazy and unmotivated. We have less worth.
And somewhere deep down, I believe this about myself - which is why losing weight "for myself" has never been motivation enough to do it. I felt like I needed do it for other people.
But you know what? I am not lazy. I am not dumb. I am not less of a person. I may have some health issues that I need to address, but my weight alone does not define who I am.
On one hand this all seems very "duh" to me. But on the other hand, I feel like I am just now really allowing this truth to sink in. I don't need to apologize for who I am - I need to celebrate my strengths and hand over my weaknesses to Someone Else who thought enough of me to die for me.
"He will keep you strong to the end so that you will be free from all blame on the day when the Lord Jesus Christ returns." 1 Corinthians 1:8