Stuff Your Faith
  • home
  • About
  • photo diary
  • journal
  • contact

The Shame Game

3/29/2013

5 Comments

 
Picture
The other day a friend of mine asked me if putting all of this weight loss stuff online was liberating.  I told him no.  More than anything, it feels embarrassing.  It's embarrassing to admit that you are fat - even if everyone else knows it.

It's embarrassing when you've finished a plate of food with no problem and the person next to you (who has ordered the same thing) exclaims, "I couldn't eat another bite!  I'm stuffed!" and they still have 1/2 of the food left on their plate.

It's embarrassing when you go out to eat and have to ask for a table because you never know how much room there will be if you get a booth.

It's embarrassing when your shoe comes untied in a public place and in order to tie it, you have to hold your breath and contort your body into unnatural positions to fix it.

It's embarrassing when you are working out at the gym or with friends and trying to hide how out of breath you really are.

It's embarrassing to put your weight on your driver's license.

It's embarrassing the first time a child, who doesn't know any better, comes up to you and says "You're fat!" in front of other people.

It's embarrassing when someone asks you what size you wear.

There is a lot of shame and embarrassment that comes along with being overweight.  And I'm sure there are a hundred things that I haven't listed that others could add as well.

Feeling that sense of shame and guilt over your weight is something that you can't understand unless you've been there.  That's why people sneak food.  It's why people try to wear clothes to make them look smaller.  It's why people lie about their weight.

Society has made people who are overweight feel that we are not good people.  There is this underlying implication that secretly we all sit on the couch all day eating hamburgers and ice cream and yelling at our children to fetch us our stuff while we mindlessly flip through the channels in our pajamas.

We are lazy and unmotivated.  We have less worth.

And somewhere deep down, I believe this about myself - which is why losing weight "for myself" has never been motivation enough to do it.  I felt like I needed do it for other people.

But you know what?  I am not lazy.  I am not dumb.  I am not less of a person.  I may have some health issues that I need to address, but my weight alone does not define who I am.

On one hand this all seems very "duh" to me.  But on the other hand, I feel like I am just now really allowing this truth to sink in.  I don't need to apologize for who I am - I need to celebrate my strengths and hand over my weaknesses to Someone Else who thought enough of me to die for me.

"He will keep you strong to the end so that you will be free from all blame on the day when the Lord Jesus Christ returns." 1 Corinthians 1:8

5 Comments
Evelyn Garrett link
3/29/2013 03:19:10 am

Rhonda, my Mommy was only 5'2", and her hip measurement was a full 60 inches around, we called her lovingly, our little 5 by 5! This woman was a horse physically, she outworked men! Jason noticed on his trips back home from Belgium, how hard I worked out in the yard, but never lost an ounce..me too! He finally realized, that when we ran out of breath or muscle power, we would sit down a minute and rest..getting our heart rate back down to normal. Jason has fought putting on weight his whole life on purpose..WELL, GOOD FOR HIM..oh I say that so churlishly, but, in reality, JEALOUS as I can be, because he is so willing to watch himself. Me? I'm just like you, I always felt so guilty that I didn't think I deserved to take care of my health for me..after all, who was I. Anyway, what was happening was, in hard physical work, my heart rate would get up there, but, and what Jason understood, you have to keep it there for at least 20 minutes..NO WAY JOSE! If I can't breathe, and I'm so hot inside I may combust..TIME TO REST. And, so, that is why my Mommy stayed heavy, and why I couldn't get my weight down, either. I don't like learning 'hard' lessons, which Jason calls me, lazy, so true. What God is teaching me now is..IT IS HOW MUCH YOU TRULY LOVE AND RESPECT YOU is when you realize HOW MUCH God loves you..uh oh! Every Christian without the tools they needed don't know how to teach this to their children, I know that Donald and I both failed in this measure..our parents did not know this, and we did not know this. Maybe that is why God tells us to teach our children AND our grandchildren..somewhere, someone will do it right. I hope you the BEST in your endeavor. And if you fall down...so what! Just get back up, really. Donald and I love you, well, you already know that..but just keep remembering that you need to fall in love with Rhonda. I used to have Weight Watcher acquaintances who would say..well, I already loved myself, this weight didn't effect that..and I wondered why I was so weird. Yes, my extreme weight made me so guilty. Remember, Jesus FORGAVE everything..He does not condemn! So the next time your brain tries to condemn you, say the majic words..He Who is in me is greater than...you know the rest. The devil condemns, the Holy Spirit convinces! The Holy Spirit encourages! LUV U..Ev

Reply
Cari link
3/29/2013 04:15:14 am

So true.

Reply
Jennifer
3/29/2013 08:35:39 am

I was at lunch today with a couple of my friends from High School and they are following your post. One made the comment that as she read your story she kept thinking "this is so me" it's true!! You are not alone. I so appreciate you putting this out there, it is hard for those who have never had a weight problem to fully understand. Often you hear the joke, "Just put down the fork and push away from the table" if only it were that easy!! But we have to start thinking of our bodies as "Temples of the Holy Spirit" would we put the same things into our bodies if Jesus sat at our table eating with us and watching what we put in our temple?? I am trying to ask myself this more and more often. I still have a long way to go in my weight loss, but I know for me it is a spiritual issue at this time. I will pray for you as well as myself!! You got this!

Reply
Kim
3/29/2013 01:50:16 pm

Rhonda none of us are perfect. The difference between you and some others is that when you mess up it becomes public because you pack on an extra pound. I wonder how opinions would change if at other times we let go and indulged ourselves and then consequently put on an extra pound? For example: hormones out of whack and you yelled at the kids all day (Add pound) driving above speed limit (add pound), smashed your finger and said curse word (add pound), failed to pray today (add pound).

You get drift....

Reply
Sarah A
4/8/2013 01:12:34 am

I read this and I think of my mom's and my relationship. I have always been 6 inches taller and much larger than my mother. She ALWAYS makes me feel like the largest person's she's ever known. When I tell her that she makes me feel bad about myslef she cries and says "I'm not trying too" but to me they're crocodile tears. If I've been telling you for years not to buy me clothes then don't freaking buy me clothes and don't give them to me with the qualifying statment "I tried to get the largest size they had, I hope it fits you." or "I bought this for myself, but its just SO huge on me, I'm drowing it in. It might fit you- try it and if its too small I guess I can take it back to the store." I don't want to wear these clothes that come with guilt and self loathing from my mother as a price tag. I also don't wish to dress like an old woman (my mom's taste in clothes).
Other than that, I love my mom. She just isn't allowed to buy me clothes.

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    Archives

    May 2017
    April 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    February 2016
    November 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013

    RSS Feed

  • home
  • About
  • photo diary
  • journal
  • contact
Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.