I recently read a stat that said that the county I live in is one of the fattest counties in the state of Ohio. Now I know why. I am going to blame it all on the local school system.
Have you ever been forced to stay cooped up in a three bedroom house with two active (and dare I say HYPER active) boys who are confined to stay indoors due to the fact that is negative 1 billion degrees outside? Well I have. And it’s not pretty. And if there is one thing that makes me want to gorge myself on mashed potatoes and chocolate cake, it would be this.
Since my brain has officially shorted out I may have lost count, but I believe that today marks the seventh snow day in the past few weeks here in SE Ohio. This count does not include several 2 hour delays that we have had as well. Call me grumpy but all of this togetherness and love is getting old. I love my boys more than I can express appropriately with words but wow…I mean WOW. Who knew the severity of what cabin fever can do to a parent’s mental capacities.
I see everyone posting on Facebook things like, “Yay! Another day to cuddle with the kids on the couch watching movies and eating gooey chocolate chip cookies and hot chocolate while we listen to the snap, crackle, pop of the fireplace and watch the gentle falling snow through the frosty front window.” As where with me, I am thinking my post would go something more along the lines of:
Oh. My. Word. Please…not ANOTHER day of sitting on the couch. I love my kids. I really do. But I like them a lot more when we don’t have to share the same 500 square feet of space for days on end. I can’t handle one more “mommmm, I’m hungry” (despite the fact that we ate lunch 20 minutes ago). And if I have to watch The Incredibles or Wild Kratts for one more minute, I’m gonna blow. I’m on the South Beach diet so if I want to sit and cuddle on the couch with the kids and have comfort food, it’s not nearly as warm and fuzzy to eat a spinach salad or a piece of baked chicken as it is to have cookies and hot chocolate. Also, it’s not cozy outside, it’s deadly. That’s why the county is shut down people. Oh, and our fireplace is gas and pretty much just decorative. If I attempted to light it, I may blow the house up. And if I don’t, my one year old would have this place burnt down in 0.3 seconds flat anyway. He is not one to be trifled with.
How’s that for positivity?
So back to my original point. Being fat. It’s the school’s fault. In their snow wimpiness, they single-handedly thwart the efforts of all types of dysfunctional eaters. If you are a stress eater, don’t come here. Not today. If you are a mindless grazer, I can guarantee you that you will feel your brain leave your head in less than an hour and before you know it, an empty bag of chips will mysteriously be in your hand, you‘ll have crumbs on your shirt and you‘ll feel a random sense of disgust with yourself. If you eat out of boredom, unless you find makeup school work and laundry exciting, you might want to find somewhere else to be. And if you use food as a reward, you can come over - but when the day is done and the kids make it to bed alive, you’ll have to leave for your reward because again, cheesesticks and celery leave a bit to be desired.
Have you ever been forced to stay cooped up in a three bedroom house with two active (and dare I say HYPER active) boys who are confined to stay indoors due to the fact that is negative 1 billion degrees outside? Well I have. And it’s not pretty. And if there is one thing that makes me want to gorge myself on mashed potatoes and chocolate cake, it would be this.
Since my brain has officially shorted out I may have lost count, but I believe that today marks the seventh snow day in the past few weeks here in SE Ohio. This count does not include several 2 hour delays that we have had as well. Call me grumpy but all of this togetherness and love is getting old. I love my boys more than I can express appropriately with words but wow…I mean WOW. Who knew the severity of what cabin fever can do to a parent’s mental capacities.
I see everyone posting on Facebook things like, “Yay! Another day to cuddle with the kids on the couch watching movies and eating gooey chocolate chip cookies and hot chocolate while we listen to the snap, crackle, pop of the fireplace and watch the gentle falling snow through the frosty front window.” As where with me, I am thinking my post would go something more along the lines of:
Oh. My. Word. Please…not ANOTHER day of sitting on the couch. I love my kids. I really do. But I like them a lot more when we don’t have to share the same 500 square feet of space for days on end. I can’t handle one more “mommmm, I’m hungry” (despite the fact that we ate lunch 20 minutes ago). And if I have to watch The Incredibles or Wild Kratts for one more minute, I’m gonna blow. I’m on the South Beach diet so if I want to sit and cuddle on the couch with the kids and have comfort food, it’s not nearly as warm and fuzzy to eat a spinach salad or a piece of baked chicken as it is to have cookies and hot chocolate. Also, it’s not cozy outside, it’s deadly. That’s why the county is shut down people. Oh, and our fireplace is gas and pretty much just decorative. If I attempted to light it, I may blow the house up. And if I don’t, my one year old would have this place burnt down in 0.3 seconds flat anyway. He is not one to be trifled with.
How’s that for positivity?
So back to my original point. Being fat. It’s the school’s fault. In their snow wimpiness, they single-handedly thwart the efforts of all types of dysfunctional eaters. If you are a stress eater, don’t come here. Not today. If you are a mindless grazer, I can guarantee you that you will feel your brain leave your head in less than an hour and before you know it, an empty bag of chips will mysteriously be in your hand, you‘ll have crumbs on your shirt and you‘ll feel a random sense of disgust with yourself. If you eat out of boredom, unless you find makeup school work and laundry exciting, you might want to find somewhere else to be. And if you use food as a reward, you can come over - but when the day is done and the kids make it to bed alive, you’ll have to leave for your reward because again, cheesesticks and celery leave a bit to be desired.
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