I am a woman who God has showered His blessings on. I fully recognize that and give God the glory for it. But I have not always been the woman who has had favor in God’s eyes.
I do know how it feels to have the deep joy and internal peace that comes with a genuine belief that God has all things under His control, but I also know the frustration, fear, and chaos that comes in living a life where doing what I wanted to do and doing it how I thought it should be done was the norm.
I know what it feels like to have a husband who loves me with the same protective, gentle love that Christ shows to his church, but I also know how it felt to have had a husband who was distant, irresponsible, and grumpy.
My physical needs are met and sometimes my family gets blessed with things that are above and beyond those needs, but I know about having to choose between putting gas in the car or buying milk and toilet paper. And I know about having “Pioneer Nights” when you pretend with the kids like electricity wasn’t invented yet because the light bill didn’t get paid on time and they can’t come out to reconnect it until the next day.
I know how much freedom there is in not being addicted to anything, but I also know the feeling of helplessness and the overwhelming sense of failure that goes along with being a slave to your flesh. I remember all to well the times when the deepest parts of you want to do what’s right but the forces pulling on you to give in to your temptations are almost so heavy that they take your breath away.
I know what it’s like to have people come to me for advice about spiritual things or how to fix problems in their lives, but I also remember what it was like to be the girl who people didn’t trust because I was entrenched in sin and intertwined with people who were, quite honestly, just evil.
Every day I have at least one moment where I sit back and recognize an area of my life where God has answered a prayer, provided a blessing, or given me a chance to be used by Him. And yet there are many days when I struggle with a prayer that has yet to be answered, a desire that has yet to be fulfilled, or feelings of being spiritually disconnected, ineffective, or unimportant.
So again I just want to say that I do understand. I understand the hard things in your life and I understand how those hard things can be overwhelming. But please don't feel like in order for me to fully understand, I have to currently be in the same place.
I understand that God is faithful and cannot lie. I understand that when He said in the Bible that the way of the transgressor is hard, he was talking about me. And I understand that the Bible also says that He came to give us life and to give it to us abundantly.
My life is not perfect. But it has been surrendered to a perfect God.