Since a major part of emotional eating is centered around, well…emotions, I figure I should probably try to get mine under control.
Sometimes the smallest things trip a switch in my brain that sends me spiraling into a mental temper tantrum. What started off as me not being able to find a shirt to wear, quickly spiraled into a moment of self loathing and disgust. Within a span of ten minutes I went from being fine to feeling worthless. Here’s the irrational chain of actions and thoughts that got me there.
This should be the point in the post where I say my heart melted, I softened, and my mood took a turn for the better. Instead, this is the point in the post where I say that I rolled my eyes, said, “yeah right”, and walked away huffy…and was honestly annoyed. I know - I am a miserable beast. (But I DID apologize later.) And then (after he went back out to the car), my first response was to go to the fridge and pull out some food. I did it before I even realized I was doing it. Granted - it was an orange this time instead of chocolate - but the point is that I was medicating my bad mood with food.
Anyway, I made myself get in the car (which for some reason had the passenger seat pushed up way too far so my knees were up by my neck) and we showed up 10 minutes late with a crying baby in tow, a 7 year old who knew I was in no mood to be trifled with, and a husband who…well, who never loses his cool about anything - which I also found frustrating.
I don’t say all of this just to vent…but to point out how easy it is to: Be irrational. Be mean. NOT want to do things that are good for me (like go to meet with my church family). And 4. WANT to do things that are bad for me (lash out, overeat, and shrink into myself and want to be alone).
Now I am glad I went. It was a great time of spiritual togetherness and I felt built up again. I’ll end this post (which I know is a bit rambly) with the lyrics to one of the songs that we sang.
I stand to praise you, but I fall on my knees.
My spirit is willing…but my flesh is so weak.
Light the fire in my soul. Fan the flames, make me whole.
Lord you know just where I’ve been, so light the fire in my heart again.
I feel your arms around me as the power of Your healing begins.
Your Spirit rushes through me like a mighty rushing wind.
So light the fire in my soul. Fan the flames, make me whole.
Lord you know just where I’ve been, so light the fire in my heart again.
Amen.
Sometimes the smallest things trip a switch in my brain that sends me spiraling into a mental temper tantrum. What started off as me not being able to find a shirt to wear, quickly spiraled into a moment of self loathing and disgust. Within a span of ten minutes I went from being fine to feeling worthless. Here’s the irrational chain of actions and thoughts that got me there.
- I couldn’t find a shirt to wear that was clean. If it was clean, it didn’t fit.
- If I were a better “keeper of the home”, I would know where all of my clean clothes were.
- If I were thinner, I would have more shirts that fit.
- I saw myself in the mirror and noticed my belly, my crazy hair sticking up everywhere, and makeup smeared underneath my eyes.
- I felt gross and ugly but didn’t have time to do anything about it because I was running late.
- Got frustrated with my time management and felt like garbage because I’m always late to Bible study.
- Decided that I really didn’t want to be around people, but knew that I should go to meet with the church for our monthly singing.
- My husband came in to help me gather baby stuff and take stuff to the car. He saw I was frustrated, hugged me and said, “Don’t be frustrated, I think you are pretty.”
This should be the point in the post where I say my heart melted, I softened, and my mood took a turn for the better. Instead, this is the point in the post where I say that I rolled my eyes, said, “yeah right”, and walked away huffy…and was honestly annoyed. I know - I am a miserable beast. (But I DID apologize later.) And then (after he went back out to the car), my first response was to go to the fridge and pull out some food. I did it before I even realized I was doing it. Granted - it was an orange this time instead of chocolate - but the point is that I was medicating my bad mood with food.
Anyway, I made myself get in the car (which for some reason had the passenger seat pushed up way too far so my knees were up by my neck) and we showed up 10 minutes late with a crying baby in tow, a 7 year old who knew I was in no mood to be trifled with, and a husband who…well, who never loses his cool about anything - which I also found frustrating.
I don’t say all of this just to vent…but to point out how easy it is to: Be irrational. Be mean. NOT want to do things that are good for me (like go to meet with my church family). And 4. WANT to do things that are bad for me (lash out, overeat, and shrink into myself and want to be alone).
Now I am glad I went. It was a great time of spiritual togetherness and I felt built up again. I’ll end this post (which I know is a bit rambly) with the lyrics to one of the songs that we sang.
I stand to praise you, but I fall on my knees.
My spirit is willing…but my flesh is so weak.
Light the fire in my soul. Fan the flames, make me whole.
Lord you know just where I’ve been, so light the fire in my heart again.
I feel your arms around me as the power of Your healing begins.
Your Spirit rushes through me like a mighty rushing wind.
So light the fire in my soul. Fan the flames, make me whole.
Lord you know just where I’ve been, so light the fire in my heart again.
Amen.
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