As the blog has grown and gotten a wider audience and I’ve gotten lots of comments from people with different opinions about my weight loss struggles, I have put up those walls that I talked about in yesterday’s post. I guess it’s the fear of hearing people say that I just don’t want it enough, or the fear of discouraging you that has held me back from being up front about everything.
So back to the spirit of keeping it real, I feel like you should know…Since the beginning of this journey I have put ON ten pounds. I pretty much stopped exercising and I fell back into old eating habits. I threw in a “good day” here and there, but for the most part I wasn’t making healthy choices. And because of that, I am seeing the results.
It’s just so difficult. I don’t want to sound like a whiny baby, but it’s true. In addition to battling my flesh and trying to not eat things I shouldn’t, I am battling doubt in my mind. Every time I make an effort to do well and then fall off the wagon, it’s just more fuel on the “you will never be able to do this” fire.
I don’t want pity. I don’t want advice. I really don’t want you to look at my situation and be discouraged or disgusted or have any other negative feelings. I just want you to know. It helps to keep me honest with myself if I know that you are still watching.
I haven’t given up. Today marks the 3rd successful day of serious effort. It’s a small victory but I am focusing on getting through one day at a time. I’m tracking and monitoring my calories and my water intake. I am making sure to include fruit or vegetables with every meal. I’ve gotten a few books/resources from people who I trust and who have been through this fight themselves. I plan on dedicating some time to reading those in an effort to get motivated again mentally. I plan on spending more time in prayer surrounding my health, and if you really want to help me, you can join me in that effort.
Thanks for hanging in there with me. Maybe this is the beginning of the end of a long string of failures. Every successful journey has to start somewhere!