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Pick Your Poison

3/27/2013

5 Comments

 
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I have some friends who just dropped their son off at rehab.  He is 21 and has a severe addiction to heroin.  Because of his addiction and some of the behaviors surrounding it, his body is paying the price.  It was because of these physical problems that the straw on the camel’s back was finally broken and he agreed to get help.

With tears in his eyes, the dad stood and poured out his own fears, revelations, and hopes surrounding this new journey that he and his family were beginning with his son.  But as he stood there talking about this hardcore drug user that so many people would have the tendency to look down on, one thought popped in my head and it temporarily stopped me in my tracks:  He uses a needle, I use a fork.  As I let that sink in, the similarities began to really set in.

I sometimes sneak food because I don’t want people to know how much I really eat.  I’ve even gone through the drive-thru on my way to dinner at someone else’s house (just in case they didn’t have enough food or had something I didn’t like).  That’s not so different from the person that sneaks off to the bathroom to get their drug fix, is it?

When I deny myself certain foods, I get moody and sometimes even feel physical symptoms.  Ever been around a drug addict when they weren’t able to get drugs?  They aren’t pleasant.

I’ve lost control over my drug use.  Even though I don’t want to overeat or eat things that are bad for me, I find myself in situations where the temptation or desire to consume those things become overwhelming and I give in.  Then I feel guilty which will sometimes cause me to turn to more food for comfort.  That’s classic addict behavior.

My food addiction negatively impacts relationships with people around me.  I can’t play with my 7 year old the way that he would like me to.  My body image issues prevent me from being fully open with my husband physically.  My lap isn’t big enough to comfortably hold my newborn son.  These may not be significant to other people, but to me they are glaring reminders of my inabilities.

I’m not saying that everyone who has a slight weight problem suffers from food addiction.  As a matter of fact, I would say that most don’t.  But for myself, this truth is becoming more and more evident.

In Alcoholics Anonymous, the first of the twelve steps is admitting that you are powerless over alcohol and that your life has become unmanageable because of it.  The second step is believing that a power greater than yourself can restore you to sanity.

Today I prayed to God like I usually do.  But today I admitted that I feel powerless over this aspect of my life.  And I asked Him to come into the places in my brain and heart that are broken and to fix them and to show me what I need to do next.  If you are so inclined, please say a prayer for me today as well.


5 Comments
Jason Kean
3/27/2013 02:56:29 am

What a bold statement of your faith and desire to please God. He doesn't care whether it is heroin, cursing, pornography, homosexuality or anything else. It is all sin in His eyes and something that keeps us from participating fully in His blessings and love. May God continue to help you as you seek His guidance. Your Brother - jason

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Cari link
3/27/2013 04:23:25 am

I hate meetings. I hate a higher power. I hate anyone who has a program. To all who come in contact with me, I wish you death and suffering.

Allow me to introduce myself. I am the disease of addiction.

Cunning, baffling and powerful, that’s me. I have killed millions and I am pleased. I love to catch you with the element of surprise. I love pretending I am your friend and lover. I have given you comfort, have I not? Wasn’t I there when you were lonely? When you wanted to die, didn’t you call on me? I was there. I love to make you hurt. – I am the disease of addiction.

I love to make you cry. Better yet, I love when I make you so numb you can neither hurt nor cry. When you can’t feel anything at all, this is my true glory. I will give you instant gratification and all I ask of you is long term suffering. I have always been there for you. When things were going right in your life, you invited me. You said you didn’t deserve good things and I was the one who would agree with you. Together we are able to destroy all things good in your life – I am the disease of addiction.

People don’t take me seriously. They take other diseases seriously. Heart attacks even diabetes are taken seriously. Fools that people are, they don’t believe that with my help, these horrible things happen sooner and more often. – I am the disease of addiction.
I am such a hated disease. And yet, I do not show up uninvited. You allowed and even encouraged me to grow. I hate all of you. And yet, so many have chosen me over reality and peace. – I am the disease of addiction.

More than you hate me; I hate all of you who have a 12-step program. Working your program, acknowledging your higher power, using a sponsor all weakens me and I can’t function effectively.
Now I must lie here quietly. You may not see me but I am looming over you bigger than ever. When you deny me only then will I grow. When you take the steps I shrivel to nothing. But – I am here patiently waiting and until we meet again, if we meet again… I wish you death.

I am the disease of addiction.

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Calvin Thompson
3/27/2013 05:39:28 am

I will definitely be praying for you. I found that once I started to open up about my addiction to pornography that it was not so bad as my mind made it out to be. It is hard when you get caught up in the shame and guilt cycle. Your analogy is so fitting, because it can be drugs, alcohol, gambling, over eating, etc. Love your writing style too!

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Jennifer Mills
3/27/2013 10:22:33 am

As I read this I kept thinking, "This could be my blog, these are the same thoughts and feelings I have or have had" I appreciate you putting it out there. I will continue to pray for you. I ask you pray for me as well. I will begin asking God into my thoughts and feelings attached to food and also to the emotions I connect with food. With God All Things Are Possible!!

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A friend
3/28/2013 09:41:28 am

I read this with tears in my eyes, because I know that addiction myself. It has taken tole on my health. A few years ago I did make some serious changes & did very well, I obtained a healthy weight & my health improved. Unfortunately like any addiction if you don't always control it you can relapse. I allowed several setbacks in my health to get in my way & before long was back to those old habits. The good thing is I know I did it before & I can do it again. You can too. One day at a time, 1 step at a time. You won't be sorry & you will be amazed at how much better you will feel. You will also set good examples for your family & they will grow up healthier because of it. I am pulling for you.

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