It's funny how night time brings out the scaredy cat in me. During the day I could theoretically watch the most gruesome and horrifying slasher movie ever filmed and be completely unaffected. However, if my husband and kids are in bed and the sun has set, Scooby Doo can have me shaking with fear. The same is true with bugs and noises. Daytime spiders are relatively harmless. Night time spiders are all black widow/scorpion mixes (despite the fact that I live in Ohio). Daytime creaks in the floorboards are because of the wind or something. Night time creaks are the warning signs of an approaching serial killer.
During the day, I have your typical aches and pains. When I am lying in bed at night and I have an ache or pain in my arm, jaw, chest, leg or head, or simply feel a little out of sorts or even detect my pulse, I am sure it's the onset of a heart attack, aneurysm, blood clot, or stroke. And when (after sometimes having to actually get up and move around) I am finally convinced that my hour has not come, I make these little resolutions to myself that tomorrow I will do better in taking care of myself. In that moment I am aware of the importance of getting myself healthier. I did, after all, just ALMOST have a heart attack.
But alas, morning comes. I rejoice in the fact that I survived the night. My body feels refreshed (well, it feels refreshed after my morning dose of caffeine). And my how quickly I forget the fear and somberness I was feeling less than 10 hours ago.
This isn't a new phenomenon though. It's the food equivalent of the toilet prayer. You know (or maybe you don't but I'll tell you), it's when you've drank too much alcohol and your hugging the side of the toilet just praying to God to not let you die of alcohol poisoning there on the dirty bathroom floor. If He saves you this ONE LAST TIME, you promise to never drink again. That's the toilet prayer. And people who pray this prayer are notorious for saying it every Saturday night. Oh, who ever said that drunkenness wasn't glamorous anyway? But that's a post all unto it's own.
If I could somehow find a way to bottle up the motivation and urgency I feel at 1 a.m. and carry it over to 1 p.m, it would be so much easier to stick to the game plan. i would probably also be a billionaire.
This has hit me especially hard this weekend. Due to the holiday, my doctor going on vacation, and a pharmacy mix-up, I have been without my blood pressure medication for three days now. This being the first time this has happened since this problem developed, I've been overly paranoid every little time I pass out or vomit (just kidding mom...I've done neither). But seriously, I have been paying closer attention to my body and really focusing on symptoms of high blood pressure. And every time I get a slight headache or feel a little out of breath, I wonder if it's normal or if it's my blood pressure. And every time, I make a little resolution to do what is necessary to get off of the meds altogether.
So I don't know if you can see the same time stamp on this post as I do, but if you can, you see that it is currently 2 a.m. i was in bed once and am back up again. Tonight it was an almost asthma attack. But don't worry...I'm o.k.
Right now I feel determined. I feel the importance of making the necessary changes to my somewhat disorganized effort at a healthy lifestyle. I am resolved to get organized mentally and physically. Maybe by putting it down in writing, I can re-read this tomorrow and use it as a reference point to get me back to where I am right now.
So i am going to finish this post up for the night and head back to bed. Here's to hoping that by the time most of you get around to reading this, I will still have the desire to do what needs to be done.
During the day, I have your typical aches and pains. When I am lying in bed at night and I have an ache or pain in my arm, jaw, chest, leg or head, or simply feel a little out of sorts or even detect my pulse, I am sure it's the onset of a heart attack, aneurysm, blood clot, or stroke. And when (after sometimes having to actually get up and move around) I am finally convinced that my hour has not come, I make these little resolutions to myself that tomorrow I will do better in taking care of myself. In that moment I am aware of the importance of getting myself healthier. I did, after all, just ALMOST have a heart attack.
But alas, morning comes. I rejoice in the fact that I survived the night. My body feels refreshed (well, it feels refreshed after my morning dose of caffeine). And my how quickly I forget the fear and somberness I was feeling less than 10 hours ago.
This isn't a new phenomenon though. It's the food equivalent of the toilet prayer. You know (or maybe you don't but I'll tell you), it's when you've drank too much alcohol and your hugging the side of the toilet just praying to God to not let you die of alcohol poisoning there on the dirty bathroom floor. If He saves you this ONE LAST TIME, you promise to never drink again. That's the toilet prayer. And people who pray this prayer are notorious for saying it every Saturday night. Oh, who ever said that drunkenness wasn't glamorous anyway? But that's a post all unto it's own.
If I could somehow find a way to bottle up the motivation and urgency I feel at 1 a.m. and carry it over to 1 p.m, it would be so much easier to stick to the game plan. i would probably also be a billionaire.
This has hit me especially hard this weekend. Due to the holiday, my doctor going on vacation, and a pharmacy mix-up, I have been without my blood pressure medication for three days now. This being the first time this has happened since this problem developed, I've been overly paranoid every little time I pass out or vomit (just kidding mom...I've done neither). But seriously, I have been paying closer attention to my body and really focusing on symptoms of high blood pressure. And every time I get a slight headache or feel a little out of breath, I wonder if it's normal or if it's my blood pressure. And every time, I make a little resolution to do what is necessary to get off of the meds altogether.
So I don't know if you can see the same time stamp on this post as I do, but if you can, you see that it is currently 2 a.m. i was in bed once and am back up again. Tonight it was an almost asthma attack. But don't worry...I'm o.k.
Right now I feel determined. I feel the importance of making the necessary changes to my somewhat disorganized effort at a healthy lifestyle. I am resolved to get organized mentally and physically. Maybe by putting it down in writing, I can re-read this tomorrow and use it as a reference point to get me back to where I am right now.
So i am going to finish this post up for the night and head back to bed. Here's to hoping that by the time most of you get around to reading this, I will still have the desire to do what needs to be done.
RSS Feed
