Growing up in the church it was always my experience that when people turned their backs on their own faith, the fall was always a big one. People wouldn't just leave the church and live lives that were basically moral and good. They would leave the church and do drugs. They would leave and get pregnant. They would leave and abandon their family. It seems like the more diligent the Christian was, the more dramatic their fall was.
That's how I feel about my own weight loss journey. I feel like I've put myself out there for everyone to see. I get e-mails talking about how I am an encouragement to them during their struggles. I get messages from people asking when my next blog post is going to be. I put myself in this situation and I am super thankful for the opportunity to share in my battle with others who understand it. But as diligent as I thought I was, I fell hard. And I am struggling to get back up.
My body has suffered the effects of my poor decisions and has in turn made it even more difficult to accomplish the goals that I once had. "Had I just stayed the course in the first place I could have been 100 pounds lighter by now..." is the mantra that goes through my head multiple times a day. My view of food has gone from good to guilt ridden. Every time I eat anything that is not a fruit or vegetable I feel guilty. When I think about my lack of self-control I feel ashamed. When I think about writing on this blog I feel embarrassed. (I'm thinking I need to go re-read my previous post about shame, no?)
You know how Charles Barkley said, "I am not a role model?" Well that is what I want to say. I am not writing this blog to tell you what to do - because I obviously am a ship sailing in the wrong direction. I just hope that if you are in the same situation you can read this and feel like you aren't a freak. That's about as good as I can do at this point.
I am blessed to know a few dieticians and a personal trainer who have offered to give me some tips and guidance pro bono. I have been in the process of working with my doctor in getting some things looked at and under control so that I can be more active. I am planning on finishing my vision board that I started long ago. I am in prayer continually about which direction to take and how to get there. So now I am just working on getting my life and my brain organized enough to make some changes in the next few weeks.
Writing here regularly is going to be a big part of my new changes. My posts my be very simple at times (like "I exercised today" simple), but I am going to commit to writing SOMETHING. I feel like you guys are the most effective accountability partners I have. Thank you for continuing to support me. I love you all. (Sniff)
That's how I feel about my own weight loss journey. I feel like I've put myself out there for everyone to see. I get e-mails talking about how I am an encouragement to them during their struggles. I get messages from people asking when my next blog post is going to be. I put myself in this situation and I am super thankful for the opportunity to share in my battle with others who understand it. But as diligent as I thought I was, I fell hard. And I am struggling to get back up.
My body has suffered the effects of my poor decisions and has in turn made it even more difficult to accomplish the goals that I once had. "Had I just stayed the course in the first place I could have been 100 pounds lighter by now..." is the mantra that goes through my head multiple times a day. My view of food has gone from good to guilt ridden. Every time I eat anything that is not a fruit or vegetable I feel guilty. When I think about my lack of self-control I feel ashamed. When I think about writing on this blog I feel embarrassed. (I'm thinking I need to go re-read my previous post about shame, no?)
You know how Charles Barkley said, "I am not a role model?" Well that is what I want to say. I am not writing this blog to tell you what to do - because I obviously am a ship sailing in the wrong direction. I just hope that if you are in the same situation you can read this and feel like you aren't a freak. That's about as good as I can do at this point.
I am blessed to know a few dieticians and a personal trainer who have offered to give me some tips and guidance pro bono. I have been in the process of working with my doctor in getting some things looked at and under control so that I can be more active. I am planning on finishing my vision board that I started long ago. I am in prayer continually about which direction to take and how to get there. So now I am just working on getting my life and my brain organized enough to make some changes in the next few weeks.
Writing here regularly is going to be a big part of my new changes. My posts my be very simple at times (like "I exercised today" simple), but I am going to commit to writing SOMETHING. I feel like you guys are the most effective accountability partners I have. Thank you for continuing to support me. I love you all. (Sniff)
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