I think days like today is where the rubber hits the road so to speak. Obviously, if I were super pumped about things, it would be easy to stay on track. And in a weird way, it’s easier if I am REALLY struggling because then I can recognize it as temptation and fight through it. It’s this weird, middle of the road - lukewarm mental place that is proving to be the most challenging for me.
I want to be that person who is wearing sweatbands and jogging in place - ready to conquer the world (a la Kathy Bates in Fried Green Tomatoes). I would like to be in a constant state of inspired motivation. I would like to feel pride in the fact that I made healthy choices for breakfast this morning. But honestly, I am just craving some hashed browns and a nap.
Bear with me and my imagery for a moment. With all of this self reflection and soul searching that I’ve been doing surrounding my weight loss journey, I have developed an image in my head that I think sums up my current status. Imagine for a minute a set of steps with a door at the top of them (if you want to have my exact mental experience, I specifically envision an old dusty, country porch with a swinging screen door and 4-5 steps leading up to it. Totally irrelevant to the meaning, but yet another insight into my brain). I feel like if I walk up those steps and go through the door then it would be like me finally breaking through to the place where I am in this process full steam ahead. Right now I feel like I am sitting on the top step. Sometimes I stand at the door and poke my head in. Occasionally I might even take a step in, but then I get nervous and come back down. Sometimes I stay on the porch…and sometimes I run back down into the yard. Then it’s a process to get back up there again. I'm not sure what I'm afraid of inside but something keeps scaring me off.
I’m laughing right now thinking about how you all must think I’m a total nut job. But hey…I’m nothing if I don’t keep it honest, right?
So that is where I am today. No big revelations or wise words of advice. I’m not going through the door. I’m not in the yard. I’m sitting on the steps drinking some sugar free free lemonade and eating a cookie.
Please don’t unsubscribe from me - I will do my best to be more coherent tomorrow. :-)