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I've Finally Been Approved!

7/5/2016

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If you don’t know me personally or aren’t friends with me on Facebook, you may not have heard…I got a call today from The Ohio State University Bariatric Center letting me know that I have FINALLY been approved for gastric bypass surgery.  This process has been in the works for over a year now and I must admit that it seems a bit surreal to know that the ball is rolling at full speed and barring something unforeseen, there’s nothing to stop it.  Hopefully this time next year, I’ll be less of a person than I am now.

Earlier in the day I was just happy.  Happy that I was approved, happy that I was done with jumping through all of the hoops, and happy that plans were really starting to solidify, which means I can start planning accordingly.

But now the kids are in bed and the husband is sleeping and I’ve got a bad case of the feels.  And the feels are all over the place.  

First, I’m feeling all sorts of gratitude.   To God for letting me be as relatively healthy as I am despite my weight.  To my husband, family, friends and church for just always being positive and encouraging.  I don‘t have anyone in my immediate circle who is harassing me about my choice.  From what I hear, that‘s unusual.  And I‘m even feeling gratitude to my country (I told you my feelings were all over the place).  But seriously - there are people in other countries who die from lack of antibiotics and despite my political gripes against the healthcare industry here, I am beyond blessed to be given this opportunity with very little cost out of my own pocket. I truly believe it will save my life.

Right after the gratitude comes the fear.  Fear of the surgery of itself.  I’ve never had a problem with anesthesia before, but I’ve also never been under for longer than a few minutes.  So that’s a little nerve-wracking.  Fear of the post-surgery pain.  I know that’s coming - just gotta suck that one up.  Oh. And there is the fear of breaking up with my long time friend…food.  It’s been a love/hate relationship for so long and breaking the ties with the love side does scare me. What if I can’t kick old habits and five years from now I’ll be back in the same boat that I am in now.  As of right now, I feel very determined that will NOT be the case but there is a little flicker of doubt in my wired-for-weightloss-failure brain.  Just gotta keep reminding myself that I really believe that God has led me here.  I may not trust myself, but I trust Him and that is enough for me right now.  

But the biggest emotion I feel is anticipation.  I can’t wait to experience some of the things that I’ve been missing out on over the past ____ years of my life.  Getting off of all of these stinking blood pressure medications.  Being able to walk for over a mile without having to ice down my feet the next day.  Shopping for fashionable clothes in a real life store instead of online.  And who knows…MAYBE even might be able to find something decent in my size at a thrift store.  I look forward to being able to catch my three year old and whip his behind.  That was a joke so don’t freak out on me. Well, kind of a joke.  One of my best friends laughed at me tonight as I yelled across our church building (to tell the Tasmanian devil to stop running and yelling) because my friend knew that if the tot-of-terror didn’t stop running, I wasn’t going to do anything.  But that’s mainly because I can’t catch the sucker.  But his day is coming.  Mwuahahaha.  Seriously though - just being able to keep up with the kids and my husband physically will be a major blessing.  Vacations, parks, and even just things around the house will take on a whole new feel.

So many feelings.  I could keep going but I won’t.  It’s 1:07 a.m. and I’m listening to a YouTube play list that’s apparently custom made to make me cry.  Adele, Alicia Keys, some old K-Ci and JoJo song that came out when Alfred and I were dating and even a little Dance with my Father by Luther Vandross.  If I don’t turn this off soon and go to bed I may not make it to surgery day.

For those of you who actually choose to read about my life and thoughts - thank you.  You’d be surprised how much knowing you are watching has kept me going.
1 Comment
Sheila Havens
7/6/2016 04:59:36 am

I read these, and pray for you regarding this surgery. Still don't have a single regret with mine and I wish you the very best. You are in for quite a ride and it's gonna be a hard one, a frustrating one, but more than that a GREAT ONE! Trust me, your not gonna miss food as much as your anticipating.

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