I wasn’t hungry. It was late. I was watching TV. I wanted to mindlessly eat something. Anything that tasted like comfort. So I grabbed some cheese. Then I grabbed a small handful of sunflower seed crackers. Then a small pickle. Then, there were a few of those cute, grape sized multi-colored potatoes that were leftover from dinner and I grabbed some of those too. All in all, it was still significantly less than I would’ve eaten in the past, but it was significantly more than I should have eaten at one sitting now. And the calories were not productive ones.
This isn’t the first time I’ve felt this way since surgery, but it’s the first time that I gave in. And I gave in with the mental caveat that I would “get back on track tomorrow,” which is a train of thought that got me into a lot of trouble in the past.
This incident comes on the heels of me going almost two weeks now losing and gaining the same 2 pounds. And even though I was told over and over and over again by the people who I know who’ve gone through this process that these stalls happen, my brain wants to jump to the panicky, “THIS ISN”T WORKING!” mentality. Which tonight, got the best of me. It's such a mental battle, this weight loss thing.
My logical brain knows it is working. It is working VERY well. But, "the heart is deceptive above all things and who can claim to know it?” Jeremiah 17:9 My feelings aren't right. No matter how strongly I feel them.
So tonight I am choosing to ignore the cheesy Swedish 90’s pop group Roxette’s advice and I’m not going to listen to my heart. I’m going to choose truth.
I haven’t went to bed feeling guilty about food since my gastric bypass on August 10th. I’m not going to break that streak tonight. I’m still learning. Tonight was not good but it was also not total failure.
So as I go to bed, the only thing I’m going to be thinking about is the song “It Must Have Been Love, But It’s Over Now.” Thank you Roxette.