Someone said to me the other day, "You have to be so excited. After you have surgery and lose all of that weight, you're going to be a totally different person." Looking back on it, I know that it was intended to be a comment that made me feel good. I know they meant that my life would change for the better and my outlook on certain things would change so much that it'd be as if I were seeing the world through a different person's eyes. But when I read the words, instead of making me feel good, it kind of had the opposite effect. What meaning I heard was, "You've got to be excited that you're going to leave the current you behind because being the current you must just be miserable." Maybe that's the interpretation of a life-long overweight person, or maybe it really was slightly insensitive - either way, I know the person's intent and heart weren't malicious.
I hope and expect that this surgery will change my life for the better. If I didn't, I wouldn't be having it. I also hope that some of the emotional issues surrounding my current physical limitations will be eased. But I don't want to be a different person. I don't want to change the fundamental outlook on life that I have or the way that I interact with other people. I'm pretty happy with me now. I generally love people and for the most part feel loved in return.
I've known girls who've lost a ton of weight and become totally different. One girl I knew lost over a hundred pounds and went from being super friendly and seemingly happy to being a completely miserable heifer. I can only assume that she thought losing weight would fix all of life's problems and the fact that her problems were still waiting there for her when she lost it was just too much for her to handle. She replaced her food addiction with an addiction to unhealthy men and the last I heard is in a pretty dark place.
I know another woman who lost a lot of weight. She had never had an eating disorder (other than overeating) while she was big. Once she lost all of the weight, THEN she developed bulimia because she was terrified of putting the weight back on.
I've heard of countless women who lose weight, find some sort of new self worth that they didn't have before, and come to some big realization that they "deserve more in life" and leave their families behind to seek out the new world they have at their fingertips.
My worth is does not go up as my weight goes down. My worth stays the same. It's because I feel valuable NOW that I know it's important to invest in myself. This is a daily reminder that I tell myself.
And starting now I need to put healthy hedges around my heart to make sure that as I shed some of the physical and emotional weight, I hold on to my true self. The self that even as my body and my clothes sizes change, will always try to see good in others, the self who loves her husband and children more than life itself, and the self who knows that more than anything else in this world, what makes a person who they are is their faith in God.
"The LORD doesn't see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart." 1 Samuel 16:7
I hope and expect that this surgery will change my life for the better. If I didn't, I wouldn't be having it. I also hope that some of the emotional issues surrounding my current physical limitations will be eased. But I don't want to be a different person. I don't want to change the fundamental outlook on life that I have or the way that I interact with other people. I'm pretty happy with me now. I generally love people and for the most part feel loved in return.
I've known girls who've lost a ton of weight and become totally different. One girl I knew lost over a hundred pounds and went from being super friendly and seemingly happy to being a completely miserable heifer. I can only assume that she thought losing weight would fix all of life's problems and the fact that her problems were still waiting there for her when she lost it was just too much for her to handle. She replaced her food addiction with an addiction to unhealthy men and the last I heard is in a pretty dark place.
I know another woman who lost a lot of weight. She had never had an eating disorder (other than overeating) while she was big. Once she lost all of the weight, THEN she developed bulimia because she was terrified of putting the weight back on.
I've heard of countless women who lose weight, find some sort of new self worth that they didn't have before, and come to some big realization that they "deserve more in life" and leave their families behind to seek out the new world they have at their fingertips.
My worth is does not go up as my weight goes down. My worth stays the same. It's because I feel valuable NOW that I know it's important to invest in myself. This is a daily reminder that I tell myself.
And starting now I need to put healthy hedges around my heart to make sure that as I shed some of the physical and emotional weight, I hold on to my true self. The self that even as my body and my clothes sizes change, will always try to see good in others, the self who loves her husband and children more than life itself, and the self who knows that more than anything else in this world, what makes a person who they are is their faith in God.
"The LORD doesn't see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart." 1 Samuel 16:7
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