They all try to tell me that the reason it is after 1 a.m. and I'm still not sleepy has something to do with the fact that I consume caffeinated beverages well into the night.
Well...I've seen the Pelican Brief. I know how those guys work. And I'm not falling for their anti-caffeine propaganda.
I see my friends and family buying into the lies all around me. Like mindless robots, they say things like, "Oh...it's after 9, do you have decaf?" or "No thanks, I'll just have water." Some of them have even been so deceived that they actually believe that they aren't even thirsty.
Suckers. I feel bad for them really. They don't realize that the military industrial complex that is promoting and funding all of these supposed studies that "prove" caffeine contributes to sleeplessness is really just out to exert their control over us. They want us to sleep. When we sleep, they have free reign to carry out their schemes.
Not me though. I know the truth. I may be a little twitchy. And maybe, on occasion, I might think that a Lego is actually a mouse moving on the floor. But you know what? I am alert.
I'm alert and I am enlightened to the truth.
So you just go to sleep. And sleep well knowing that there are smart people like me who are awake, watching over the rest of you sheep.