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Are You Guilty of People Shaming?

10/28/2014

2 Comments

 
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If you missed the Facebook fad that passed several months ago surrounding dog shaming, I am sorry.  There were some genuinely funny slideshows of some very mischievous dogs being called out for their bad behavior.  Among my favorites were a forlorn looking pit bull next to a pair of tattered leather knee boots with a sign around it’s neck that said, “PETA made me do it” and one of a tiny dog with a decapitated Dora doll that said, “I killed the Explorer.”

Dog shaming is funny but sometimes I feel like I am the one walking around with a sign around my neck.  And people shaming is not quite as amusing.  Some days I feel like the sign around my neck says, “I am fat because I am lazy.”  Other days it may have nothing to do with weight.  It may say, “I am a bad mom” or “I don’t love people the way I should.”   Maybe yours says, “I am a liar” or “I mess everything up.”
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There are a million reasons why I am happy that I grew up in the church, so please don’t take this as a church bashing post, but man - sometimes I feel like we, in our misguided views of what it means to be holy, make shame one of the unspoken requirements to be a Christian.

We aren’t evangelizing like we should.
We don’t’ read our Bibles like we should.
We don’t pray as often or as fervently as we should.
We are dirty sinners, whose works, like filthy rags are worthless before God.

I once sat with a gospel preacher who said that “a public sin requires a public confession” (that phrase cannot be found in the Bible by the way).  When asked what the purpose of that public confession was, he said that the person who was sinning needed to feel the weight and the shame of their actions as a deterrent to doing it again.  And according to him, your sins could not be forgiven by God unless you confessed to everyone what you had done to “bring shame and reproach on the church” (again…not found anywhere in scripture).

Is there a place for Godly sorrow that produces repentance?  Absolutely. (2 Corinthians 7:10)  Is there a time when we should have our conscience pricked?  Yes!  (Acts 2:37) And is there a premise in the Bible that says we should try to restore our spiritual family to holiness when they are in sin?  Of course. (Matthew 18:15).  But we have never been instructed to cause another person to feel shame.

Growing up in a culture of shame affects you in a lot of ways.  I’ve noticed that I am very quick to condemn myself and point out the areas where I need improvement.  On the flip side it makes me feel prideful and arrogant to admit that I am good at something or have done something well.  That combination is the perfect breeding ground for discouragement and for having a feeling of hopelessness.  And that is exactly how Satan wants it to be.  When he has you convinced that you are already defeated, why even try?

Well we should try because all of that “not good enough’ stuff is a lie.  When you are trying your best to follow Jesus, God promises that your best is and will be good enough.  Not because we are good in and of ourselves, but because Jesus died so that we can be saved despite our faults.

Once we can recognize our worth, only then can we realize our full potential.  And not doing that is the only thing that we should be ashamed of.
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2 Comments
Joan Elder link
10/29/2014 12:57:10 am

Just read this today Romans 10:11 For the Scripture says, “Whoever believes on Him will not be put to shame.”
The work of Brene Brown on Shame is a must read and worth contemplation. Her definition: "Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging." This is the whole reason Jesus came is to free us from the burden of sin and give us the power of the gospel to free others from this same burden. We are His "beloved" Cols. 3:12 "Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; 13 bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. 14 But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection. 15 And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful." Such power in forgiveness that when we believe with our hearts and minds that we are forgiven we can truly live in peace with thanksgiving. We "pile on" others when we shame instead of showing them the path to forgiveness and freedom in Christ. Living forgiven is SO powerful that Satan wants us to live in shame, so our worth is questioned. Yes, great potential in knowing we are beloved beneath the cross of Jesus.

Upon that cross of Jesus mine eye at times can see
The very dying form of One Who suffered there for me;
And from my stricken heart with tears two wonders I confess;
The wonders of redeeming love and my unworthiness.

I take, O cross, thy shadow for my abiding place;
I ask no other sunshine than the sunshine of His face;
Content to let the world go by to know no gain or loss,
My sinful self my only shame, my glory all the cross.

Reply
Rhonda
10/30/2014 03:07:43 pm

You are the second person to recommend her work...I will definitely spend some time and look her up! Thank you for your words and wisdom. :)

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