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What It Feels Like To Lose A Horse

12/26/2016

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It's been just over 4 1/2 months since my gastric bypass surgery.  Today I hit the first of my major milestones...losing 100 pounds. I have been hovering for weeks and today it finally crept low enough for me to claim it.  I am pretty sure if I would have swayed or rocked to the left or the right while standing on the scale that it would've went back up...but I didn't test the waters. I'm all about technicalities these days.

I seemed to have misplaced my cloth tape measurer, so I can't give you inches lost just yet - but I can say that I've gone down several clothing sizes.  At my heaviest I am not even sure what size I wore.  I know that there were times when 5x tops were more clingy than I would have liked and I couldn't really wear pants so I don't have a number size...But I'm guessing I'd have been a 30/32.
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I currently am wearing (roughly) a 4x and have one shirt that is a size 24 that fits decently. Those are by no means supermodel measurements, but they are headed in the right direction. After watching the numbers climb for years, it's a strange feeling to have them be going down.

As far as my body is concerned, I definitely feel different. I'm still not running marathons or contorting into complex yoga positions, but I can walk a lot longer than I used to be able to before I get exhausted. It's not a chore to bend over and pick something up off of the floor or to get up out of the squishy couch in the living room.

Still dealing with a significant amount of hairloss. I've been taking various supplements to try and curb it - so far I haven't really noticed it slowing down. I'm not bald or anything, but whereas I used to struggle to wrap a hairband around my pony tail a third time, now I can do it four times and it still feels loose. Showering and combing my hair are daily chores that I just hold my breath and rush through, trying not to think about it. On the bright side, it is winter.  If I have to resort to hats then at least I won't stick out like a sore thumb.

Loose skin is gross.  That's all I have to say about that.

Emotionally I am doing pretty well. While I feel very happy with the results of my weight loss, I still struggle with some of the same negative thoughts I have had in the past. I still feel food guilt. I still avoid mirrors and pictures of myself (before and afters above are pretty much the exception). I still hate exercise. And even though I have lost 100 pounds in a little over 4 1/2 months, I still feel discouragement or like I've failed when I step on the scale and it hasn't gone down like I had hoped.

Well, that doesn't SOUND like I'm doing pretty well, does it?  But I am. I am happier. While I feel guilt on occasion or discouragement on occasion, I don't go to bed every night upset because another day of blowing it has gone by. I have really begun to not think about food so much. When some of the pleasure of eating is removed, you have to find other things to look forward to. I've taken up excessive gambling and illicit street drugs. It's really been great. (Joking, joking. Don't worry mom.)

My goal is to lose another 100 pounds in 2017. Really going to focus on getting in some exercise and making smart food choices. I have slacked off a little bit on my protein intake, but that should be an easy fix.

So I think that sums it up. I really, REALLY appreciate all of your encouraging words and prayers. Here's to a successful 2017 for us all!
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