Physically speaking, I’ve still had no major negative complications or complaints to speak of. It took a while to be able to figure out which foods I can and can’t handle (rice being public enemy number one so far and the results of that meal may warrant a blog post all unto itself). My energy levels have definitely improved. My physical capabilities are improving (as noted by a very scientific method - how much wheezing is present after carrying a hamper of laundry up my basement stairs). I have some old lingering issues with my Achilles tendon that has prevented me from taking up Crossfit, Tae Bo (that‘s right - I still remember Billy Blanks), Zumba, or P90X (because of course I’d be all over ALL of those if my foot didn’t hurt), but I have plans to start physical therapy within the next week or so to get that all worked out so I can hopefully at least start walking. Let’s start there.
Emotionally speaking, I *think* things are going well. I’ve had a few moments of sadness when I think about wanting to participate more vigorously in certain food experiences. When people get all hyped up because my husband is making his cheesesteaks or if there is a big family dinner where Mom is making something delicious, it’s annoying when my stomach says stop before my taste buds are ready. I still do tend to want to eat out of boredom or frustration at times, but my inability to have the foods that I used to find comforting has curbed that behavior somewhat.
I would say that the two biggest emotional hurdles I am facing would be 1. Learning how to respond to compliments on my appearance without feeling uncomfortable, and 2. Allowing myself to get excited about the results that I’ve had. Not sure why I feel restraint in my joy. Maybe it’s an old wound - the fear of getting too happy and then “blowing it” like I have done so many times in the past? Maybe it’s embarrassment over the attention? Not sure - still working on that one.
Spiritually speaking, I’m surprised this has been as major of a change as it has been. I think I had so much worry in the past about my health (aka fear of dying because of my health) that almost every night I went to bed thinking (aka obsessing) about all of the bad choices I had made that day. Every single night I went to bed feeling guilty over my inability to have the self-control to fix my weight problem. Now I go to bed at night at peace with the fact that I have done and am continuing to do what I can to get healthier. Should the Lord decide it’s my time, then fine - but I know that I am not currently contributing to making the time come prematurely. I have always felt like there is a place in ministry for the emotional issues surrounding all things weight related. I have prayed that my story and journey through this process will be used to help others. I don’t have a clear and concrete way as to how that may look yet - but I am definitely keeping my spiritual eyes peeled for potential opportunities.
Many of you have asked about before and after pictures. I STILL don’t see a huge difference in my appearance, but I’ve definitely gone down a few sizes in my clothes. I forgot to take official pictures last month but plan on doing it this month. I think I’ll wait until I hit the 100 pounds lost mark to post them here. That seems like a nice celebratory thing to do - and it might provide me with a reason to go buy a new outfit as well.
Maybe I’ll bust out the patriotic boa and go all Glamour Shots on you. You’ll just have to wait and see!