Last night my soon to be eight year old son and I had a long talk about how we were going to help each other make healthier choices.  He is beginning to be self conscious about being chubby and has had some friends poke fun at him recently (can I just tell you how much I hate bullying?).  I explained to him that I understood what he was going through and that while we shouldn’t be concerned about what others think about our physical appearance, we SHOULD want to be as healthy as we can be.  We discussed the pros and cons of eating healthy foods and of unhealthy foods.  We talked about the verse in the Bible that says that we shouldn’t worry about what we are going to eat (he has genuine anxiety if he feels like he isn’t going to get enough food or miss out on something food related) and we talked about taking care of our temples so that God could use us in the most powerful ways possible. Then we talked about how if we were healthier we would be able to run faster, climb trees easier, and the real selling point - be able to swing a sword harder.  He understood and seemed genuinely excited about the fact that we were going to be helping each other. We shook on it and he even did a pre-bedtime push-up just to get in the spirit of things.

This morning at 6:45 when I woke him up for school, the first thing he did was ask for pizza for breakfast.  When I excitedly reminded him of our pact we had made with each other, he cried.  They weren’t bratty, I want my way tears, they were tears of genuine sadness that he tried to wipe away before I saw them.  Even as he went and got something else for breakfast, he still seemed to almost mourning the fact that he wasn’t eating pizza (which he never did even when we weren’t eating healthy).

This makes me feel sad, frustrated, and guilty all at once.  I don’t want him to have issues with food, I get annoyed with his constant asking about what snack or meal is next, and I feel bad because I know that this is nurture instead of nature.  As they say, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

I will begin praying for the wisdom and knowledge necessary to help my children avoid the same pitfalls that I have fallen into.  I will research some creative alternatives to junk food that are affordable and taste good. I’ll try to make it all positive and fun for him rather than making it seem like punishment or something.  

Maybe helping him with these things will help me as well. 

This is one of those “uh oh, she’s gone religious nutball on us” posts.  But if you stick with me until the end, I promise you’ll see that I’m not trying to get you to join a cult or drink my Kool-aid.  Sometimes though, in today’s culture of feel-good televangelists and mega churches that exist solely to draw in big numbers and make people feel good, we don’t hear some of the more difficult things that God wants us to hear.  And after talking about comfort food yesterday, I thought it only appropriate to talk more about what it means to be uncomfortable.

So it’s no secret that people like to feel good.  Shoot, I like to feel good.  Even Jesus liked to feel good.  When he was praying in the garden before his death and asking God to take away the terrible task that was being called to do, my guess is that he was not looking forward to the displeasure (to put it mildly) that was about to come.  There’s nothing wrong with wanting to feel comfortable.  That is not in question - we don’t have to be constant martyrs and spiritual sadists.  But what if God is calling you to something that is not comfortable?

When my stomach growls (and sometimes even when it doesn’t), I immediately head to the fridge or to a local restaurant to make myself feel better.  But am I willing to lose out on the wonderful taste of that cheesecake in order to take better care of my body?  Or what if God is asking me to fast and pray for a time?  Am I willing?  Or what if I do find myself at the end of the month with little to eat in the cupboards?  Do I still trust him to provide for me or do I worry and stress and make myself sick over finances and physical needs?

What if you have found yourself in a place that provides no spiritual encouragement for yourself or your family but you have a good job or are in a good school system?  Would you move?  Would you leave your job?  What if your kids began finding themselves regularly unable to be a part of spiritual activities because of sports?  Would you pull your kid from the team?  Would you be willing to leave the things that society deems important in order to ensure spiritual growth?  
 
All of us want to spend our lives with that perfect someone.  Some of us have been blessed with compatible spouses that are blessings.  Some of us haven’t.  Are you in such a rush to be in a relationship that you run into the arms of anyone, or do you put your own wants aside until God provides you with someone.  Or what if God has called you to be single?  What if he is asking you to sacrifice that deep longing for love in order to be able to more fully give yourself to Him?  Are you willing to suffer in order for God’s will to be done?

I hate cancer. I hate SIDS.  I hate heart disease and strokes. I hate when innocent children die while evil adults seem to live on forever.  But what if you are faced with your own death?  Or worse yet, what if you are faced with the death of a child, spouse, or person who you love more than anything?  Do you scream at God that it’s not fair and grow angry towards him for not sparing your life or the life of someone else or do you humbly accept that He is sovereign and while terribly uncomfortable, continue to praise Him through your storm?  Through death, can you glorify Him with your life even when it makes no sense to you?

It’s not pleasant to hear but there is nowhere in the Bible that tells us that God’s first priority is to make us happy.  His first priority is to make us HOLY.  And if, in order for that to happen we have to face trials, struggles, and do uncomfortable things, then that is what needs to happen.   We don’t have to enjoy it, but we need to endure it with a God centered focus and a heart that trusts in Him.

But we aren’t being asked to do all of these things alone.  One of the many benefits of being a follower of Christ is that we have been given a helper.  Actually, the Bible refers to him as a helper, an advocate, and a comforter.  When you are baptized into Christ, you are given a gift.  That gift is this helper - the Holy Spirit.  You are no longer alone in your suffering.  You have an all-powerful, all knowing, and always present ally who seeks to help you.  All you have to do is trust him enough to be obedient as He works out the rest.

“Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.” James 1:12

"We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love."  Romans 5:3-5

“Aww honey, I’m sorry you had a bad day. Here…have some raw spinach and a few sunflower seeds.”

I’m not sure about you, but that’s nothing I heard when I was a kid.  I would presume that not many of us were offered a handful of almonds or some avocado slices when we were down and needed a mood boost.  If you were anything like me, it was ice cream, pizza, and if it was a really special day, we headed to the fanciest of fancy places - Ponderosa Steakhouse where we could eat all the salad, rolls, and buffet offerings one could ever hope for.

Think about some of the happiest times in your life.  Birthday parties, summer BBQ’s, graduations, weddings, baby showers,  and Thanksgivings and Christmases with family.  What do all of those things have in common?  Besides spending time with people you love, the next common denominator is that there was always lots of food, and it usually wasn‘t of the healthy variety.  Cake, ice cream, hotdogs & hamburgers, casseroles, pies, mashed potatoes, and the delicious list goes on.

In a reader’s poll done by CNN, peanut butter & jelly sandwiches and grilled cheese topped the list of most popular comfort foods.  Those were followed closely by macaroni & cheese, fried chicken, ice cream, apple pie and the surprisingly specific McDonalds cheeseburger.

It seems that when we get upset, we are symbolically trying to go back and relive our happy childhood via the foods that we ate then.  I know that sounds funny, but it seems to be true, doesn’t it?  Those are the foods that mom would throw together on busy days after school, for family dinners on Sunday afternoon, or foods we’d eat during surprise McDonalds visits after doctor’s appointments or a particularly stressful day at school.  When we eat certain foods, not only do they trigger feelings of happiness in our subconscious minds that take us back to happier times, but there are also legitimate chemical reactions that take place in our brains where feel-good hormones are released.

Sometimes we can grow to be somewhat emotionally dependent on these things to make us feel better.   Much like the drug addict that turns to heroine to numb pain, cure boredom, or reward themselves, we use carbs, sugar, cheese, and chocolate to do the same thing.  As a matter of fact, a friend of mine just posted an article that she read that said that that on a study done with rats, sugar (in this specific study it was Oreos) was just as addictive as cocaine.  Isn’t that nuts?

Also like the recovering addict, if we want to break the cycle of turning to food when we need comfort, we need to detox, develop new habits, and learn healthier ways of managing our emotions - three things that I hope to go into more detail with over the next few days.

Until then, I will leave you with this lovely Bible verse:

“All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort.”  2 Corinthians 1:3

Just in case you have lingering doubt about your current lot in life, there are some surefire ways to determine whether or not you can still call yourself a young person or if you have officially crossed over into non-cool adulthood.  While the characteristics aren’t quite scientific, they are pretty close.  

If you have a Sam’s Club membership in your own name, bring actual food to potlucks instead of 2 liters of soda, have a fully insured car that gets good gas mileage, get household appliances for your birthday, go to bed before 11, regularly wake up with a stiff back, ever roll your eyes when you hear someone next to you with too much bass in the car, or if you are still trying to figure out what “swag” means, you too are now an official old fart - welcome to the club.  Or as the young folks would say, “da club.”

In my recently discovered oldness, I also realized that my motivation for losing weight is no longer to look hot, fit into $100 jeans, or to feel like I fit in more with the popular kids.  I’ve realized that I think a lot more about lowering my blood pressure, avoiding diabetes, not being afraid of going into full blown cardiac arrest every time I take a flight of stairs, and to ensuring that I am able to watch my boys become men, husbands, and fathers.

I have finally come to a place where I am aware of my mortality.  I realize that I am not going to live forever and what I do has a direct impact on how long I will be alive.  And while sometimes I admit that I long to not have to deal with the sadness and drama in this life, I am not interested in leaving it prematurely.  If Jesus is preparing a place just for me, I want to make sure I don’t just pop in unannounced before it’s ready.  Nobody likes a guest that comes too early.

And with as much worry and effort as we put into our physical health, I often try to ask myself if I am making it a bigger priority than my spiritual health.  Because honestly, I can delay my death as much as I want but the truth is that it is going to happen someday.  And when it does, even if I am a perfect size 8 with zero bad cholesterol and a heart like a runner, if my soul is sick it was worthless.

So with that being said, here are a few questions to help you in determining if your inside is as healthy as your outside.

• Which are you more vigilant about doing - counting your Weight Watcher points and calories or actively looking for ways to show God’s love to other people?
  

• Which makes you feel worse - going a day without exercise or going a day without prayer?
  

• Which do you monitor more closely - how much sugar is going in your body or how much filth is going into your mind?
  

• Are you as adamant that you or your children study the Bible every day as you are that school work is completed?
  

• Do sports take precedent over meeting with your church?
  

• Are you a passionate and vocal supporter of no carbs, no high fructose corn syrup, no hormones, and no immunizations but silent and passive when it comes to sharing the gospel?
  

• Is our physical health important?  Yes it is.  God gave us our bodies as a vessel to house our true selves - our souls.  We should take care of that house as best as we can.  But what good is a nice house if on the inside, everything is decaying and rotten?
  

Check your heart.  Then get as motivated and pumped up to fix IT as you are to fix your love handles and double chin.

“But the Lord said to Samuel, “Don’t judge by his appearance or height, for I have rejected him. The Lord doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7

“Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day.” 2 Corinthians 4:16

Ugh. This is one of those blogs that I really don’t want to write.  I always pray before I write and ask God to just help guide me in saying something that will be beneficial to someone who is reading it.  Sometimes his response is clear.  Today is one of those days.  Today I realized that what draws people to reading my blog (all three of you) is that I have always done my best to be real and honest with you.

As the blog has grown and gotten a wider audience and I’ve gotten lots of comments from people with different opinions about my weight loss struggles, I have put up those walls that I talked about in yesterday’s post.  I guess it’s the fear of hearing people say that I just don’t want it enough, or the fear of discouraging you that has held me back from being up front about everything.

So back to the spirit of keeping it real, I feel like you should know…Since the beginning of this journey I have put ON ten pounds.  I pretty much stopped exercising and I fell back into old eating habits.  I threw in a “good day” here and there, but for the most part I wasn’t making healthy choices.  And because of that, I am seeing the results.

It’s just so difficult.  I don’t want to sound like a whiny baby, but it’s true.  In addition to battling my flesh and trying to not eat things I shouldn’t, I am battling doubt in my mind.  Every time I make an effort to do well and then fall off the wagon, it’s just more fuel on the “you will never be able to do this” fire.

I don’t want pity.  I don’t want advice.  I really don’t want you to look at my situation and be discouraged or disgusted or have any other negative feelings.  I just want you to know.  It helps to keep me honest with myself if I know that you are still watching.

I haven’t given up.  Today marks the 3rd successful day of serious effort.  It’s a small victory but I am focusing on getting through one day at a time.  I’m tracking and monitoring my calories and my water intake. I am making sure to include fruit or vegetables with every meal. I’ve gotten a few books/resources from people who I trust and who have been through this fight themselves.  I plan on dedicating some time to reading those in an effort to get motivated again mentally.  I plan on spending more time in prayer surrounding my health, and if you really want to help me, you can join me in that effort.

Thanks for hanging in there with me.  Maybe this is the beginning of the end of a long string of failures.  Every successful journey has to start somewhere!

For the person that is severely overweight, your body sometimes seems like a prison.  It’s like you are sitting inside yourself and looking out at all of the things that you would like to do, but because of your physical or emotional limitations, it seems nearly impossible.  You see people who are physically fit and confident and you long to be free like they are.

When you are free it is not a big deal to pack up and go on a long hike through the mountains with a group of friends for a few hours or even a few days.  When you are imprisoned in your own body, you are held back by fear of things as small as shin splints and as big as being so out of breath you keel over.  When you are free, a trip to the beach or pool is not given a second thought.  When you are held captive by your insecurities, the very idea of putting on a bathing suit can bring you to tears.

Trying on clothes, playing outside with children, climbing stairs or sometimes even the simple act of tying your shoe in public are all things that someone who is confident rarely even considers.  For the man or woman who is self-conscious about the way that they appear, those things can bring a decent amount of anxiety. 

When you are very large, in the back of your head you are always prepared to be confronted with someone else’s stigma of you.  Sometimes this manifests itself through isolation (so you don’t even have to deal with it) and sometimes it causes you to overcompensate by being overly loud or funny (playing the jolly fat person role).  Either way, there are invisible walls that are built that prevent others from getting in, and after doing that for long enough, you start adding rows of barbed wire on top of those walls - making it more and more difficult to break out of your self inflicted cell.

The recidivism rate of prisoners in the United States is nearly two thirds.  That means that roughly 66 percent of all people released from prison end up right back in jail at some point.  I would think that the rate for overweight people would be even higher.  (How often have YOU lost weight only to gain it all back? Most of us have.)  Both scenarios are due to a lack of true rehabilitation.  Without fixing the root of the problem, the symptoms are just going to keep displaying themselves over and over again.

You have to have a change of heart. You can’t want to be unhealthy anymore. You have to see the dangers that lie ahead of you if you don’t change.

You have to change your habits.  The best intentions, if you still do the same things you’ve always done, will be thwarted.

You have to have a plan.  For people getting out of prison with an “I’ll just see what happens” attitude will, without fail, be back.  Same with weight loss.  If you aren’t working towards a goal and if you don’t have a clear cut path to get there, you won’t.

Can big be beautiful?  Absolutely.  But sometimes it doesn’t feel beautiful.  I still struggle with this but have gotten MUCH better over the years.  It requires daily reminders that the true, important type of beauty is not found in my appearance but in having a proper relationship with God.  Does that make me look better in a pair of jeans or help me to get a faster speed in a 5K?  No.  But it does keep things in perspective and make me realize that my body doesn’t have the power to keep me in chains.  Even if my body dies, the real me will continue to be free.

“Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting: but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." Proverbs 31:3

“It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.” Galatians 5:1

If you’ve ever had surgery that required a large incision, you know that on occasion, in order to promote healthy healing, doctors will clean the wound and then pack it with sterile gauze.  The thought behind doing this is that if you absorb the fluid and pus it will allow the incision to heal healthily from the inside out, thus preventing any abscesses or infection.

But what if, instead of sterile gauze, they packed the wound with dirty paper towels from the trash can?  And what if instead of iodine or alcohol, they cleansed the wound with old motor oil?  It sounds ridiculous but isn’t that what we do sometimes?  We fill our wounds with things that we shouldn’t.  And not only do we fill them with things that inhibit healing, we use things that actually promote further damage.

We all have wounds.  Some may be superficial and will heal quickly and some may be so deep that even if they heal, there will always be a scar there to remind us of them.  Your wound may not be physical but that doesn’t make it any less dangerous. Emotional wounds can be infinitely more painful and detrimental to our lives than physical ones ever can.  Childhood abuse, parents that were physically or emotionally absent, cheating spouses, rebellious children, death of a loved one, guilt over your own mistakes…wounds like these can cripple us and keep us “sick” for a long time if we let them.

If you have wounds that just won’t seem to heal, the first thing you need to ask yourself is what am I packing them with?  Are you filling your mind with positive and encouraging messages or are you packing your wound with TV, movies, and Facebook all day so you don’t even have to face them?  Do you pack them with a strong faith in God or do you use ice cream and French fries?  When you feel the pain of your wound, do you numb it with prayer or do you console yourself with drugs or alcohol?   Maybe for you, it’s shopping, sports, or working too much, but all of these things, while not bad in and of themselves, are very ineffective healing agents.  Usually they just cause deeper problems.

God knew we would need help with these things.  He knew that sometimes we try to make things better bur really just end up making everything worse.  So He sent us Jesus, who would come to earth and suffer with wounds of his own.  He would be able to sympathize with us and then He would bind our wounds and make us better.

“He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed.” 1 Peter 2:24

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” Psalm 147:3

If you are in need of healing for physical wounds, you should definitely go see a doctor.  But if your wounds are emotional or spiritual, your best bet is to always start with The Great Physician.