“Take it day by day” is what everyone tells you when you have a lot of weight to lose.  They say to not look at the long term goal because it can quickly become overwhelming.  But what if eating well for 24 hours straight seems to be overwhelming?  What then?

The more people I talk to, the more people I see who seem to have the same faulty mindset as I do.  I usually wake up prepared and enthusiastic. I wake up hopeful that today will be the day that I finally break the cycle and have something click inside of me.  But when I mess up (like the other morning when I had what I now refer to as my hash brown breakdown), I just chalk the day up as a failure and wait to start again tomorrow.  And sometimes, if it has happened a few days in a row, I’ll mark the whole week down as a failure and make plans to start again on Monday.  Call me a defeatist or whatever, but sometimes even one day is too much to ask.

Keeping this thought in mind, a friend of mine (who has lost 80 pounds) made a comment during a Bible study the other day.  She wasn’t referring to weight loss, she was referring to just general every day decisions, but it applies to our food choices as well.  She said, “Is what I am about to do helping the kingdom of God or harming it?”   That seems like a simple way to look at it to me.

Is what I am about to eat helping me to be a healthy and happy person or is it harming me?  Is it helping to make my temple a better tool for God to use or am I harming it?  If I ask myself this each time I go to put food in my mouth, it becomes a moment by moment decision and if I mess up, then I don’t feel like I have tainted the rest of the day’s efforts.

Oh, and it’s Biblical.  Go figure.

“So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Matthew 6:24

My husband is a chaplain at two prisons here in town.  He spends over 40 hours a week talking to and studying with inmates that are in prison for crimes ranging from theft to aggravated murder.  He comes home with lots of stories about how certain people landed themselves in jail.  Some of the stories are kind of funny (there is a guy who is doing time for stealing a large amount of ground beef), some are sad (most people there come from terribly dysfunctional backgrounds), and some are just downright frightening (he services Death Row, so you can only imagine).  But regardless of why they are there or for how long they are in for, there is one theme that sticks out to me.  For the men who are living behind those bars, life is no longer about thriving and being happy.  It is simply about survival.

When you go to prison, the identity you had on the street is gone and it is replaced with one of a myriad of new identities.  You may be identified by the crime you committed (this is especially true for men who commit crimes against kids).  You could be identified as simply “the new guy” if this is your first go round.  But more often than not, you become identified by what skills you bring to the table to make survival there easier.  This is referred to as your hustle.

Many men are known by their ability to get access to and sell things like alcohol, cigarettes, drugs, and weapons, but there are others that are able to provide more positive services.  Some people are gifted at sewing, so they become known as tailors.  Some are gifted at drawing and make beautiful pictures and greeting cards that inmates can purchase to send to family on the outside. Some are tattoo artists, some cut hair, some are law experts, and some cook meals using a hot pot and make big money (in prison terms) providing relief from nasty prison food.  Regardless of what it is, it is almost necessary to have some sort of hustle.

But here is the kicker…it’s technically against the rules to do anything to raise money aside from state appointed jobs.  So as soon as you arrive you have a decision to make.  Do you protect yourself and establish a reputation by having a good hustle but run the risk of additional punishment or do you stay out of trouble by following the rules but risk attempting prison life with nothing to barter in exchange for your safety?  Tough decision.

So what is your hustle?  What is it that you use in your life to barter with in order to gain respect or emotional safety?  Is it your sexuality?  Maybe you get the attention you need through sex with multiple partners.  Is it sports?  Do you overemphasize the athletic prowess that you or your children have in order to gain the respect that you crave from people?  What if it’s your image as a super-mom?  Do you keep your kids well dressed, well behaved, and well rounded while all the while making sure to never let on that you have any problems at all?  Is your career? Your knowledge? Your looks?  How much stuff you have?  We all have one.  Some of us depend on ours more than others in order to validate ourselves, but we’ve all got something.  

The thing is, none of us need those things in order to be valuable.  We were created with inherent value and have nothing to prove.  So even though it may be hard for you to be vulnerable, it is freeing to let your walls down and let people see who you really are.  You are worth more than whatever lame hustle you’ve devised yourself to try and protect your image.

You are valuable - Matthew 10:29-31
You were created to be the light of the world - Matthew 5:14-16
God is on your side - Romans 8:31
You are God’s family - Hebrews 2:11
You were created to do great things - John 14:12
You were bought with the highest price - 1 Corinthians 6:20

Note - It’s getting ugly in here this morning people.  This may end up being a long one…but I think it is relevant enough to so many people that more time than normal may be necessary.  And besides, maybe this will make up for my recent loss of things to say.

My morning started off badly before I even went to bed last night.  I accidentally took a 2nd blood pressure pill before going to bed instead of the prescription that I was supposed to take.  So I pulled a dummy move and looked up online some of the side effects of accidentally taking too much of my medication.  Looking on message boards and websites with other non-professional information regarding one’s health is never the smart thing to do.  What I found out was that I should expect anything from no bad side effects at all to seizures and congestive heart failure.  I also learned that drdaddy08 is not really a medical doctor.

Since I am writing this morning, I am obviously okay.  If I had congestive heart failure, I must have slept right through it. But once I woke up, I was groggier than normal (which I wasn’t aware was possible).  This aggravation was compounded by being met first thing wet bed sheets (not my own), a lovely pair of large pimples on my face, a crying baby, and a glaring reminder of my own inadequacies as nobody in my house could find clean clothes as they tried to get ready for work and school.  This resulted in three laundry baskets of clean clothes being strewn all over the floor as we picked through them to locate underwear, matching socks, and clean khaki pants.  And this was all within the first 20 minutes of being awake.  Special thanks to the husband for folding half of them after things calmed down.  I promise they will be folded and put away accordingly by the time you get home.

So this is where it gets especially ugly.  Son #1 left for school, my husband left for work as did my sister that is currently living in our basement.  Son #2 was back asleep again.  I was alone (trigger #1).  I was in a high state of anxiety (trigger #2).  I was starving because in the mad rush of the morning, I hadn’t stopped to eat breakfast (trigger #3).  I had finished several things that needed to be done and was looking to just sit down and relax for a few minutes (trigger #4).

I bypassed the steel cut oatmeal.  I turned my nose up at the delicious Honeycrisp apples that I bought yesterday.  I pushed the almonds, blueberries, eggs, and whole grain anything to the side.

I fried some potatoes.  I fried them in vegetable oil.  I put salt and pepper on them and when they were done I topped them with shredded cheddar cheese and sour cream.  And then I sat on the living room floor surrounded by unmatched socks and ate the entire bowl as I watched half an episode of On the Case with Paula Zahn.  And when I was done, I cried.  I cried because I felt gross and fat.  I cried because I felt guilty. I cried because I was bored with the everyday routine.  I even cried because I felt so pathetic for crying.  And when I was all done crying, I didn’t feel any better.  Whoever said, “all you need is a good cry” doesn’t know me very well.  Now, on top of all of my other issues, my eyes look like I just went 10 rounds with Rocky Balboa.

Then, after my firestorm of emotions had subsided, it hit me that I usually start my day in prayer.  Even if it’s just a quick one, I try to make sure that as I start my day I am at least asking God to be a part of it.  This morning I didn’t.  This morning I invited chaos into my day by letting the first thing I acknowledged be myself.  My anxiety started off as a small flame and eventually grew into an overdramatic, irrational forest fire, and it could have been extinguished in the beginning had I remembered that while I do have responsibilities, ultimately I am not in control, God is.  So I reminded myself that the worst thing I can do is to wallow in self pity.  I needed to refocus and redirect my energy outward.

Whether you are talking about stressing about an unpaid bill or whether you are talking about a full fledged “I’m having a heart attack right now” panic attack, anxiety left to control us however it wants will wreck your life every time.  It plays a serious role in not only making us fat and unhappy, but it also can make us generally unhealthy, exhausted, worried, and fearful.  It’s a cancer that, if left unchecked, will isolate you from people outside of your own little world, thus compounding your problems.

I went through a period in my life when I was riddled with anxiety.  I took one medication regularly and one medication as needed whenever a panic attack arose.  I made at least two trips to the Emergency Room with physical symptoms of serious illnesses that turned out to be just brought on by anxiety.  Looking back at that period, I do believe that those medications were necessary to get me back to a good place, so don’t think that I am teaching against all medical intervention.  But I also can see the poor spiritual and mental habits that I had that kept me from having peace in the first place.

I didn’t realize it then, but I was what I would now refer to as a closet control freak.  I didn’t really push my way on other people (because I was too passive), but internally I could stew and obsess about how people were “doing it wrong” or going to mess things up.  I’d let it stress me out but I wouldn’t speak my opinions.  That inner turmoil contributed greatly to a general state of anxiousness.

Because of my passivity and a fear of people not liking me, I often found myself overextended and tired.  I didn’t know how to say no.  At one point in my career, I was managing a group home of sometimes physically violent adults with one other full time staff member.  I worked (on average) about 65 hours a week, I got my butt kicked a few times, and I allowed lazy staff to stay employed for way too long.  In the midst of all of this, I was asked if I could act as a temporary area manager for 5 other group homes.  It would require a lot more work and included no additional financial compensation since I was a salaried employee.  I said yes.

I was single and terrified that I would end up an old maid.  I was a poor money manager and worried all of the time about how next month’s rent would be paid.  Even though I made a good show of going to church, I never opened my Bible, hardly ever prayed, and definitely had no concept of allowing God to order my days.  I slept poorly and I ate poorly.  I was running on fumes and had nothing real and substantial to refuel me.  So my body and my brain revolted.

How we handle our anxiety is a direct reflection on where we are placing our trust.

Romans 8:6 For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace.

Philippians 4:6 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 

1 Peter 5:6,7 Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.

Psalms 55:22 Cast your burden on the LORD, and he will sustain you;

And I could easily keep listing verse after verse that says the same thing.  Give your worry to Him.  Trust that He has your best interest in mind.  He has the power to change your life. Honestly, your life is not your own to begin with.  These are deep spiritual concepts that take a lot of faith and trust to put into practice but once you do, the results are worth it.

Philippians 4:7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

When I learned to put more trust in God and less trust in my own abilities or in the abilities of other people, that took care of my control problem.  I began to care less what other people thought of me.  I worked less and hung out with other Godly people more, leading me to meet a Godly husband.  I slowly began to manage my money better.  I prayed and studied more. I slept more.…I just generally lived a healthier life style.  Before I knew it, my medication was gone and so were my anxiety attacks.

Today I will occasionally be lying in bed at night and get a twinge of what could be a panic attack coming on.  I take a few deep breaths, pray, and remind myself that it will be okay, and before I know it, I usually fall asleep without any further escalation.

I am obviously not perfect when it comes to controlling my emotions (hence my crying fit this morning), but I am no longer OUT of control either.  If I start drifting off, I have the ability to pull it back in fairly quickly.  And recognizing the problem was the first step in fixing it.

Looking back on the progress I’ve made in this area over my life is encouraging to me.  Now, I have recognized that my emotional crutch these days is food.  The next step is to keep on working at fixing it.  Life is a continual journey in self improvement.  Hopefully this time will be much easier knowing that I am not in it alone.

“For I hold you by your right hand--
I, the Lord your God.
And I say to you,
‘Don’t be afraid. I am here to help you.” - Isaiah 41:13

Plateau - noun.  A period of little or no apparent progress in an individual's learning, marked by an inability to increase speed, reduce number of errors, etc…

Instead of saying that I haven’t really had success with losing weight, I think I am going to just start saying that I seem to have hit a plateau.  Nobody has to know that is where I started off.

This is another post not about weight loss.  I tried to figure out a way to tie this into something about losing weight or health or something but my mind went blank.  Maybe something will hit me tomorrow to motivate you to get back to the gym or to eat a salad, but today I hope this idea that I was thinking about while I studied this morning will suffice.

So when God told Jonah to go to the city of Ninevah and try to get them to stop being so evil, Jonah was scared and decided he would just hop a ship to somewhere else and ignore God’s instructions.  Well, we all know how that ended up, right?  A big storm came and the boat was not doing so well.  Jonah realized that it was because of him that the storm was raging so he convinced the sailors to throw him overboard in order to rid themselves of the object of God’s wrath.  But the punishment didn’t stop there, did it?  God sent a big fish to swallow Jonah, and he stayed in that fish’s belly for 3 days before he finally saw the error of his ways and repented - at which point the fish spit him out onto dry land.  That is how it went, right?

Wrong.

The first part is right.  Jonah did try to run away from God when he was trying to get out of going to Ninevah.  And he was thrown overboard during the huge storm.  But then, here’s where it is different - Jonah isn’t swallowed by the fish as a part of his punishment.  God actually sends the fish to Jonah in order to save him from drowning in the sea.  Read what Jonah prayed to God while he was in the belly of the fish:

“I cried out to the Lord in my great trouble,
    and he answered me.
I called to you from the land of the dead,
    and Lord, you heard me!
You threw me into the ocean depths,
    and I sank down to the heart of the sea.
The mighty waters engulfed me;
    I was buried beneath your wild and stormy waves.
Then I said, ‘O Lord, you have driven me from your presence.
    Yet I will look once more toward your holy Temple.’
“I sank beneath the waves,
    and the waters closed over me.
    Seaweed wrapped itself around my head.
I sank down to the very roots of the mountains.
    I was imprisoned in the earth,
    whose gates lock shut forever.
But you, O Lord my God,
    snatched me from the jaws of death!”

He was drowning.  He sank to the bottom of the sea as the waters engulfed him.  The seaweed wrapped around his head as the waters closed over him.  But then, the Lord snatched him from the jaws of death.  My whole life I viewed this big whale type thing as a villain but now I see that it was really one of the “good guys.”

Here’s what really stuck out to me about this today - I am continually surprised at how many things I just take as truth without studying it for myself.  For 36 years I’ve thought that this was a story about God’s wrath and how we should fear him.  Now I see that this is really a story about second chances and mercy.  Jonah disobeyed God and because of it did have to endure being tossed off of a ship in the middle of a hurricane type storm, BUT God almost immediately sent a savior to him that ensured that not only did he not drown, but took him all the way back to shore where he was spit out onto dry land.

It’s the same today.  We can disobey God and yes, bad things can come of it.  But if we just try to seek God and agree to do what He asks us to, He will provide us with comfort and mercy every time.

For Mrs. Doll

You know how there’s that saying that says something like “Any man can be a father but it takes a special man to be a dad”?  I think the same sentiment holds true for teachers.  Some people teach to make a living and some people ARE teachers.  It’s just what they do.  They are gifted to be able to instruct children and adults in meaningful ways.  In addition to the most obvious teachers (my parents), I’ve been blessed with many other great people in my life.  

Thinking back to my school days, my kindergarten teacher taught me some of my first lessons.  She not only taught me about The Letter People and not to cut my own hair during class (that was learned a tad bit too late, but it was learned none-the-less), but she gave me my first lesson in hospitality.  Her daughter was my age and they lived a street behind us.  I remember going over to play at their house and feeling so welcome all of the time.  At her house was the first time I ever tried freshly squeezed orange juice, which remains one of my favorites to this day.  One day they asked me to go with their family to a local amusement park and I remember feeling like I had just won the lottery.  Of all the kids in her class, I felt special.  Many teachers could have taught me my letters and numbers, but it took her to teach me that children remember kindnesses shown to them by grown ups.

Another standout teacher was my second grade teacher.  I honestly don’t remember much about her actual classroom (other than a vague memory of learning to make cursive L’s), but I do remember her teaching us a program every Friday afternoon called C.A.P. which stood for Children Are People.  We all sat in a circle on a rug and talked about gushy touchy-feely things like our emotions and stuff.  I remember wanting very badly to tell her something very private during one of our sessions.  I repeatedly would start to tell her and then would get scared and then stop myself.  One day after school I was waiting to be released (I was a walker) and she sat me down one-on-one and told me that she could tell something was on my mind and she just wanted me to know that if I ever felt like I needed to tell her anything, she was there.  I remember my eyes welling up with tears and then she hugged me.  Any teacher could have taught me cursive L’s, but it took her to teach me that sometimes you have to be perceptive enough to see past what people do or don’t say and care enough to reach out to them.  This was my first official lesson in compassion and empathy.

There was my senior year government teacher who taught me to respect the sacrifices that people who lived before me made in order to give me the privileges that I have today.  Anyone could have taught me about the 3 branches of government, but he taught me to not be a spoiled brat with a sense of entitlement.  

My New Testament History teacher my freshman year in college taught me the historical significance of Jesus’ death and resurrection.  Many teachers can teach the events of the Passion Week so to speak, but he taught me that Jesus was real and there are facts and documentation to prove it.  He increased my faith exponentially.

I appreciate the teachers I’ve had in my life.  I appreciate the women and men who were the parents of friends in the church who shared their homes and their time with us young people.  Without them and their examples, a whole generation of Christians today may not have remained faithful.  Dave and Pat, Jay and Nancy, Bruce and Brenda, Dee, and many others…thank you for the example you set for us as kids.

So many of life’s important lessons are learned through people who teach you how to be human, not facts and figures.  Those are the things that make you truly successful and happy in life.

Thank you to all of you that have taught me to be a better person.

“Spin spin a letter.”
“Spin spin a letter.”
“R - Ribbit”
“Way to go!”

Forget Imagine by John Lennon, those are some deep song lyrics right there.  Or at least my nine month old thinks so.  He must find the song very inspirational because I hear it at least 300 times a day.  I even heard my 8 year old absentmindedly singing it as he did his homework the other day.  If you hear something enough, it will just become a permanent fixture in your brain and you can’t get it out.

Nazis used propaganda to brainwash the German youth into believing that Hitler’s ideas of a pure race of white people was desirable and beneficial for the betterment of their society.  Posters touting his agenda were hung in public places and Nazi enthusiasts walked the streets with megaphones shouting catchy phrases and ideas for all to hear.  Eventually many of the people there were so accustomed to hearing these things that they just became truth.  As a result of this change of mind, roughly 11 million people lost their lives in the Holocaust.  The power of persuasion and effectiveness of repetition are no joke.

I laugh just thinking about the Saturday Night Live skit called Daily Affirmations with Stewart Smalley.  The main character is a pretty big loser.  To boost his own self worth, he looks in the mirror every show and affirms to himself that “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it - people like me.”   Various celebrities and guests show up on set to have a session with Stuart in hopes of boosting their self worth.

While it sounds funny, I think that this technique is actually a pretty effective way to change your thought patterns.  The more we vocalize and tell ourselves things (and yes, I do think it is even more effective if things are said out loud), the more we tend to believe them.  I don’t currently do this, but I am going to try it.  I recently have read that it’s an effective method of essentially brainwashing yourself.  Even the Bible says that we should meditate on His word.  I wonder if that is for the purposes of ingraining it more deeply into the depths of our psyche, thus making it seem more like truth.

So here are some things that I think might be some good affirmations for myself.  Come up with your own, give it a shot for a month or so and see if it makes any difference in the way you think.

• I can do ALL things through Christ who gives me strength.
  
• Exercise makes me feel great.
  
• I am not a slave to food.
  
• I make good and healthy eating choices based on my nourishment needs (I looked that one up but I liked it).
  

I’m going to start with these four.  I will try to say them out loud every day for one month and see if I believe them to be true any more than I do right now.  If you hear me talking to myself, don’t think I’m nuts.

I am feeling kind of frustrated today so bear with me.  I am frustrated because I am looking around me and I see lots and lots of people who are striving and struggling in their personal walk with God.  I see people who are fighting addictions.  I see people who can’t stop having sex with people they aren’t supposed to be having sex with.  I see people who are battling depression and discouragement.  I hear people talk about how they feel disenchanted with and disconnected from the church.  But then, when opportunities arise for them to spend time with people who love God and love them, they are nowhere to be found. 

I believe in the Bible wholeheartedly.  I believe that the words in it were physically written by men but were inspired by God himself.  I believe the verse in 2 Timothy 3:16 that says,  "all Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right."  So when the creator of the universe, the one who knows how many stars are in the sky and how many hairs are on my head, tells me something is true - you had better believe that I trust that He knows better than I do.  I would be a fool to not take his advice.

If you are struggling spiritually or emotionally, there is one particular verse in the Bible that, if you take it to heart, will change you for the better.  It’s found in 1 Corinthians 15:33 and it says, “Do not be misled: Bad company corrupts good character."  It’s so simple yet so difficult.

“Do not be misled.”  In other words, don’t fool yourself.  You may think that you are strong enough to make sure the influence is going the right way, but God says don’t do it.  Satan is very crafty and uses all sorts of tactics to get into your mind and your heart.  Even trusted friends who don’t share your faith can easily mislead you down paths that you don’t want to be on.

“Bad company”  Most people would agree that drug dealers, liars, and thieves wouldn’t be the best people to hang out with - that’s not a difficult conclusion to come to.  But what if bad company is referring to the organized sports team that doesn’t prioritize God and keeps you or your kids away from all spiritual activities?  Or what if it is referring to that man or woman who is SO sweet and treats you SO well and is SO close to believing in God but is also SO attractive that you can’t keep your hands off each other?  Or what if bad company is referring to your own family?  Maybe it’s a father, mother, son, daughter, or even a grandparent who drains all positivity and joy from everyone around them.  Bad company is ANY person or group of people who distract you from moving forward in your walk with God.

“Corrupts good morals.”  Notice that the verse didn’t say that bad company corrupts people who already have questionable morals and just aren‘t strong enough to withstand the temptation.  It says that bad company corrupts GOOD morals.  People who are living good lives and are well intentioned are being ruined every day by choosing to keep bad company.  The wisest man who ever lived (King Solomon) was drawn away from God by women who weren’t believers.  I’ve seen the most enthusiastic and passionate men and women be brought to literal ruin by so called friends who slowly began pulling them away from spiritual people.

I know it’s a difficult teaching to digest.  Nobody wants to give up relationships with people who are fun. Nobody wants to cause strife within the family or sacrifice romance for the sake of Godliness.  But God calls us to an extreme lifestyle if we are serious about being one of his followers.  I was watching a video last night and the teacher in the video was talking about giving things up for God.  He said that these things that God is calling us to give up that are so difficult end up being the very things that would destroy us anyway.  We just need to trust that He is smarter than we are.

I’m not some sort of elitist or self-righteous person who doesn’t speak to people who aren’t Christians, don’t get me wrong.  But there is a difference between having casual relationships with people and fellowshipping or binding yourself to bad company.  I am at a place now where I see the benefit of surrounding myself with people whose spirits and minds are in tune with things deeper than the superficial things this world has to offer.

The apostle Paul, in the end of Romans tells a group of believers that he longs to be with them and be refreshed.  If you are struggling with life and spirituality, try surrounding yourself with people who refresh your spirit instead of corrupting it.

“Oh, the joys of those who do not
    follow the advice of the wicked,
    or stand around with sinners,
    or join in with mockers.
But they delight in the law of the Lord,
    meditating on it day and night.
They are like trees planted along the riverbank,
    bearing fruit each season.
Their leaves never wither,
    and they prosper in all they do.” Psalm 1:1-3