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11 Days Post-Op Update

8/21/2016

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Eleven days post-op and I’m just getting around to posting an update.  I’ve been so busy napping, pureeing, taking supplements, and drinking plenty of fluids that I’ve not had time.  I’m living the life of a dehydrated 90 year old.  I’ll try to throw off my shawl and stay awake long enough to give you the low-down on how things went and are currently going.

Well. Let’s go back to surgery day.  I was scheduled to have surgery at 12:20.  We got there two hours early, I got all gussied up in my beautiful hospital gown and fuzzy socks with the grips on the bottom.  They put me in a room, put my IV in and then came in and let me know that the surgeon was delayed.  Then he was delayed some more.  And when the surgery center had to close for the day (at 5:00 p.m.), they wheeled me over to a different area to wait some more.  At around 5:30 the surgery team finally came and got me.  They took me into the operating room, strapped my legs down to a table as they made small talk.  The last thing I remember is my anesthesiologist telling me that his dad was a doctor in the prison system and then breathing in some sweet oblivion that smelled like bananas.

Everything apparently went off without a hitch.  Surgeon told Alfred that there were no complications, that he fixed a belly button hernia while he was in there (didn’t even know I had one), and that my liver looked lovely (thank you liver shrink diet).  When I woke up in my room, I don’t remember a whole lot from the first night other than being keenly aware that every three hours I was supposed to get an injection of a pain killer - Dilaudid.  And I remember being in a fog and telling my nurse that I “applauded Dilauded.” So embarrassing.

My surgery happened Wednesday evening and I went home on Friday evening.  Thursday started off rough but got progressively easier.  It took me 12 hours to drink two 8 oz protein drinks.  Once I was able to walk around a bit and drink the drinks and keep them down, the surgeon came in, told me that I looked "robust" and then they sent me on my way.  The hospital staff was all super friendly and very helpful and informative and when I left I felt equipped to be o.k. at home. They’ve been calling every 3 days to check to see how things are going. The OSU hospital system definitely has my endorsement.

So since I’ve been home, I have been continually thankful and surprised at my lack of pain.  Many people I’ve spoken with have had a very difficult time, but I can honestly say that I’ve had sinus infections that have kept me down more than this surgery has.  The biggest barrier is definitely the lack of energy.  I can sleep for 8 hours at night, wake up and nap 3 hours later, then still feel exhausted again at 9-10 p.m.  My family and my church family have been amazing to help with day to day life stuff though.  I am blessed with lots of good people in my life.

Until my follow up appointment on August 30th, my goals are to get in 60 ounces of fluids a day and 60 grams of protein a day.  That has not been an issue at all.  I am supposed to have 5-6 small (½ cup to ¾ cup) meals a day.  Everything I eat should technically be the consistency of applesauce or thinner.  I have had no issues keeping that down, although I’ve been more likely to have 2-3 one cup meals a day - typically things like small curd cottage cheese, Oikos Triple Zero yogurt, pureed soups, etc…I haven’t felt much hunger at all.  I’ve had cravings for texture, but nothing serious.  So far, so good.

I was sent home with a prescription to take anti-nausea medication three times a day (which has since been cut back to twice a day), an antacid, 2 multivitamins, and 2 blood pressure medications.  My cholesterol medications and other blood pressure medication were put on a temporary hold but most likely won’t be re-prescribed…which is awesome.

I think that pretty much wraps it up!  Like I said earlier, I go in on August 30th for my follow up.  They’ll check the incisions (which several of them are almost gone already), evaluate my diet and advance me to the next level (which is soft foods), and clear me to drive again.

So I know that was all pretty fact/information based, but I’ve had several people question the process.  I hope this answers some of them.  I know it sounds pie-in-the-sky and I know that in the big scheme of things, it’s still early - but so far I can say that despite the grueling approval process, this procedure has been much easier than I thought.  Praise God for answered prayers.

OK.  I’m spent.  It’s 11:30 p.m.  I can’t keep up with you young whippersnappers anymore.
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"You Like Me! You Really Like Me!"

8/8/2016

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For the past few days I’ve felt immense pressure to post something very profound about my gastric bypass surgery coming up TOMORROW (wow – that feels weird to say).  I felt like I needed to write something that inspired all of you who are struggling to lose weight and be healthier to never give up on your goals.  I needed to educate and debunk myths about weight loss surgery and how it’s not just a cop-out or a quick fix – but an extreme tool to get healthy.  And I felt like I needed to make it crystal clear how much the support, prayers, and encouragement all of you continually offer has meant to me.   But then as I sat down to actually try and write, I realized that it sounded as though I were writing an acceptance speech for an Academy Award.  And I just wasn’t feeling it.

So I just want to say that I am beyond excited.  This is a journey that, on paper, began about 13 months ago.  But the truth is, it has been a process that began much earlier.  We’ve (I say we and not “I” because this experience has been one that has been shared by myself, my husband, my kids, my family, my church, and many of you who I’ve had private conversations with who have advised, cried, and cheered with me) had successes and failures, encouragement and discouragement, joy, anger, doubt, obstacles, and breakthroughs. 

Honestly, since I first started this Stuff Your Faith thing three years ago, I have actually gained weight.  A significant amount of weight truthfully.  And even in this forum, where I feel almost nothing but support, I still felt shame and embarrassment to admit that.  Here I am trying to inspire and teach others about things relating to losing weight while all the while, mine was slowly creeping higher and higher. 

Many times I think back to the first post when, through tears, I posted my weight for all the world to see.  It was my worst nightmare.  But it was that shame of what I’d let happen to myself and the fear of being made fun of that was exactly what I needed to purge from my psyche. And once I made myself take that step, I realized (finally) how little that stupid number really meant to anyone other than the evil little voice in my brain telling me what a failure I was.

So here we are.  The eve of the day when I’m checking myself into a hospital and having one of my major organs mostly removed.  The day before I commit myself fully to embracing whatever it takes to get healthy, even if it potentially means months of not feeling well and having to give up one of the things in my life that sadly brings me a lot of joy – unhealthy food.  Less than 36 hours from now and I will actually be putting my money where my mouth has been for the last three years.  But this time I don’t feel like a failure.  This time I feel like I’ve persevered through this process.  I’ve not been perfect but I’ve been moving forward. I’ve stopped feeling so much guilt about what I let happen and I started focusing on what needed to be done to put it all behind me and get it fixed. But I especially have learned that I have something to offer and I am worth putting some hard work into.

So this time, as I tell you that my surgery weight comes in at an impressive 414 pounds, it still makes me feel uncomfortable and slightly exposed. But I’m not crying.  And I’m not worried about what people are going to think.  I’m excited.  I’m hopeful.  But most of all, I am eager.  I’m eager to be able to come through this process and have my body be able to live up to the expectations my mind has for itself.

I’d also like to thank the Academy.  Mom and Dad - couldn’t have done it without ya.  I’d be remiss to not thank my agent, my stylist, my make-up artist…

​Queue the orchestra music.
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Bring on the Wrecking Ball

8/2/2016

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Exactly one year ago today I wrote the following post:

“I feel like there are big things coming in the future and I am looking forward to being able to write here and get it all down "in ink" so I'll be able to look back and see how the whole process unfolded.  And the more I talk to people, the more I am seeing how deep weight loss issues run in a person's psyche.  I really believe that this process is going to open up a whole new door of ministry that seems to be so needed.

So for right now, I am just looking at things like I am preparing myself for the remodel.  I'm sorting through some emotional things, trying to put some bad habits away, and just generally going over the blueprints to make sure I'm making the right decisions.

I know this is not the exciting part.  It's the wait and wait and wait some more part.  I am looking forward to getting the construction started so that I can be one step closer to having a temple that is not on the verge of being deemed unfit for human habitation!”


One week from today…let the remodeling begin! 

Gastric bypass is scheduled from Wednesday, August 10th at noon. Prayers definitely coveted.
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Catastrophic Thinking

8/1/2016

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I am the wife of a minister.  I am a mom.  I am the oldest of seven children.  To say that I have a mother hen complex would probably be the understatement of the century.  Sometimes I feel like in my effort to keep all the chickens around me safe, I end up pecking them to death myself.  In my desire to save people from pain, I can sometimes escalate things to a point which ends up causing us all more.

I know it stems from a good place.  When I see my family, people in my church, or people in the world who are suffering, my heart almost feels so full of empathy/sympathy that it threatens to overwhelm me emotionally. 

A few months ago when I was seeing a counselor for issues related to why I turn to food, he made a brief observation about my thought patterns that really stuck with me.  He pointed out that I have catastrophic thinking.  And by that what he meant was that when I am faced with a problem, whether it be my own problem or someone else’s, my mind’s natural inclination is to jump ahead 10 steps to the worst possible scenario.  “Well, if I don’t fix this problem then ____ will happen.  And if that happens then ____ will happen.” And so on and so on until eventually I am all worked up about what could possibly happen way down the line before the issue has even really begun.

Stressful situations are going to happen.  They’re going to happen to me.  They’re going to happen to my loved ones.  They are going to happen everywhere in the world.  Some of these stressful things I am going to be able to help with.  Many (if not most) are going to be way beyond my control.  Since the idea of catastrophic thinking was introduced to me, I have actually been able to pretty successfully put the clamp down on irrational thoughts before they arise – simply by acknowledging that my emotions are not fact.  My gut isn’t proof of anything.  And what I FEEL like doing does not make it the right thing to do.

As a matter of fact, more often than not, the best response is a slow one.  A good response is not made during the climax of emotion immediately following a PSE (particularly stressful event – and yes I just made that up). A good response usually requires you to deny your fleshly desires, just breathe, and wait on the Lord to direct your path.

Listen all you mother (and father) hens.  I get it.  I know the panicky feeling that rises up in your chest and makes you want to run headlong into a situation and try to hammer it out as quickly as possible.  But I have also learned (the hard way) that 99% of the time, hammering does more harm than good.

Just breathe.  Free yourself from the responsibility of having to fix everything.  If you have to sleep on it, then sleep on it.  Don’t pressure yourself to act immediately in every situation.  Patience is a virtue. Sometimes just empathizing fixes most of what is broken.

Empathy is a gift.  Don’t let it also be your curse.

“The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?” Jeremiah 17:9
“Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.” Proverbs 3:6
“For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.” 2 Timothy 1:7
“All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness.” 2 Timothy 3:16
“Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.” Romans 12:12
“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.” 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

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