Dear God,

I know that self-control is one of the results of living a Spirit filled life.  I want to bear good fruit for you Lord, so please help me to exercise greater self-control in every area, but especially when it comes to being a healthier person. Please give me the strength I need to react correctly in all kinds of temptations that I will face in this battle against my own flesh. 

You say that “A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls”  so please make me like a strong city that can withstand assaults that come my way every day.  I don’t want food to fill my emotional and physical needs anymore. I don't want to turn to food when I am bored.  I want to turn to you and be satisfied.  Please help me to make healthier choices and turn away from foods that are not good for me.  Please help me to love myself enough to take care of my body like you want me to.  Please help me to overcome any laziness and selfishness inside of me that is preventing me from being healthy for myself and for my family.

God I know that you are the same God that delivered Daniel from the lion’s den, that raised Joseph from prisoner to ruler, and that raised Jesus from the dead.  You brought the Israelites out of slavery by destroying their enemies and providing for their needs for generations.  God, I believe in your power to heal hearts, minds, and bodies.

Please give me strength through you and your Spirit to win this battle.  I want to see my children grow up.  I want to be here for my husband for years and  years to come.  But most importantly God, I want to be healthy and physically and emotionally available to serve you and other people in a greater capacity.

I know that you are able.

Amen.

If today’s post seems mean, I apologize in advance.  I really feel the need this morning to address something that is increasingly getting on my nerves and I can see affecting the lives of people all around me.  It may sound insensitive, but because I can’t think of a more accurate way of stating it I’ll just say it and trust that by now, you know me well enough to know that I am not cold hearted or callous.

Quit. Being. A. Wimp.

I understand that we all have problems.  I also understand that there are times when venting to someone regarding said problems is completely healthy, beneficial, and normal.  As a matter of fact, I think that one of the reasons God established the church was to provide us with a means to help bear one another’s burdens.  I’m not talking to the normal, every day trials we all face.  I’m talking to people who are on the extreme end of the complaining scale.

I’m talking to the person whose entire life (and sometimes the lives of those around them) is put on hold because of the common cold.  I’m talking to the person who is crippled because they don’t make enough money.  I’m talking to the person who is offended so easily that people have to walk on eggshells when speaking to them.  I’m talking to the person who uses the actions of others to excuse their own bad behavior.

In order to thrive in today’s world (although this has always been the case), you have to have a thick skin.  We should try to be people with grit and determination.  We should be assured enough in ourselves and in our God to not whither and crumble at every misfortune that comes our way.  Can we be sad sometimes?  Absolutely.  Can we feel offended by someone?  Again, that is natural.  Can we take a day off and lie in bed because we don’t feel well?  If your kids will let you, go for it.

But if you are the person who can only talk about your own physical pains and problems, and you allow relatively minor things to keep you in bed or on the couch every day, it may be surprising to you to see how much better you’d feel if you would just focus on serving someone else.   Do you make it a habit of “taking your toys and going home” when you don’t get your way?  Try working on your own communication skills and then try putting the needs of others in front of your own.  Or maybe you are good at serving others and getting things accomplished but the whole time you are working, you complain and begrudge the fact that nobody else is helping you?  Again, who are we to complain?  We don’t deserve anything.  Count yourself lucky that you have been blessed to be chosen as a vessel to carry out God’s work.

Besides, if you are living the life you should - then all of the junk and garbage that we have to deal with in this life will be long forgotten when we get to Heaven anyway.  So while we are here, why not do our best to keep our physical problems in perspective, to bring joy and peace to the people around us instead of negativity and turmoil, and try and focus on our blessings instead of the areas we wish were better?  People will gravitate to you more, enjoy your company more, and honestly - your behavior will be more pleasing to not just people, but to God as well.

“Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing…God blesses those who patiently endure testing and temptation. Afterward they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.” James 1:2-4, 12

“…for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little.” Philippians 4:11-12

Over the last thirty days, I have been out of town for twenty.

For twenty days I have dug clothes out of a suitcase in order to get myself or the kids dressed.  I’ve ironed t-shirts and kept my toothbrush in a Ziploc bag.  I’ve been in the car for a total of 22 hours with a seven year old and a seven month old.  I’ve been to a graduation party, a potluck, two cookouts and a funeral.  I’ve seen friends and family that I haven’t seen in over twenty years.  I have been at the mercy of other people’s refrigerators and cupboards and have been completely thrown off of every routine that I had.  As a result, I have put on about 6 pounds.  Not the direction I want to be headed in.

But I am home now.  I’m ready to get back into the swing of things.  I’ve got my grocery shopping done, my vegetables cut up, and my pre-measured 16 ounce drinking glass washed and ready to go.  I plan on getting out and walking despite the muggy 90 plus degree weather and the poster sized paper that I am tracking my calories on is hanging on the wall with a fresh page marked “Day One“ at the top.

Should I have had a plan in place for going out of town?  Yes.  I am aware that showed poor foresight on my part.  Could I have insisted on continuing my healthy eating habits while others were providing my food and cooking for me?  Yes.  I realize that I could have been more assertive.  Should I have maintained a regular exercise schedule?  Yes.  I could have been more active - no matter my surroundings.

Today is a new day.  I’m ready to go at it again.  If you are so inclined, please pray for me to succeed.  I will be keeping you posted.  I've missed you.  :)

This is Travis.  He's my son's barber.  Today he gave me some unexpected motivation and I hope he doesn't mind me sharing his picture.  I don't know him well, but I love a good before and after picture.  (Sorry Travis - I usually am not a creeper but seeing how much weight you have lost made me go and look through your old pictures).  :)

In less than two years, Travis has lost 135 pounds by going to Zumba, working out and "clean eating" as he described it.  He mainly eats lean meats, vegetables, and unprocessed foods and tries to keep his daily sugar intake to 35 grams a day.  Once a week he has a cheat day.

I'm headed to Philly for a week but when I get back, maybe I'll try to shake the fact that I have absolutely no rhythm and try my hand at a Zumba class.

If you are someone or if you know someone who has lost 100+ pounds and want to share how you did it along with a before and after picture, send me a message and I'm going to add a whole section of success stories to the blog.

Oh - and if you are in the Chillicothe area and need a good haircut, shave, or even a facial, head over to North and High Barber Shop.

See you in just over a week!

It’s almost 2:30 AM and I can’t sleep because I am paranoid about the derecho (which to me just seems like a very exotic way to say "really big wind").  According to the local weather people, it’s gonna be here any minute now.  They’ve been saying that for the last hour and a half, but hey - who’s keeping track?  So in my wind induced insomnia, I decided I would get a head start on tomorrow’s post so I can focus on getting ready for my upcoming trip back up to my parent’s house and then over to Philadelphia to see Alfred’s parents for a week.  But none of that is relevant to today’s thoughts or anything.  I just thought I’d share why it’s 2:20 and I’m still awake.

Back to bananas.

I bought a bunch of bananas at the grocery store the other day.  I try to buy them when they are just starting to turn yellow.  We don’t eat them very quickly, so it’s best if we buy them early enough to let them ripen for a few days.  So let’s see, I bought these on Monday evening.  Today is Wednesday and they look pretty good.  Mostly yellow with just a few hints of brown here and there.  Alfred grabbed one this afternoon and peeled it.  The whole bottom part of it was slimy, brown, and gross.  He ate the good half and threw the rest in the trash.  Later, I grabbed one.  I peeled it (expecting it to be gross too) and it was perfect.  Not a brown or soft spot on it.

As I ate my banana and actually took note of how perfectly ripe it actually was, it got me wondering how two bananas from the same bunch could look and feel the same on the outside but be so different on the inside.  One was nasty and unpleasant, one was sweet and very enjoyable.  And then I started to think about how people are the exact same way.

Some people look absolutely fine on the outside.  They may have great hair and clothes, good manners, always have a smile on their face, and seem to present a great front, but when you take the time to really look inside, they are "white washed tombs full of dead men’s bones" (Matthew 23:27).  They can be bitter, spiteful, mean, unforgiving, angry, whiny or have any other number of undesirable characteristics .  It may be their circumstances that have made them this way.  Bananas go bad quickly if they are stored in temperatures that are too warm or if they get bruised.  People, too, can quickly become jaded if they are faced with fiery trials or if they hurt by other people.  Sometimes people just get that way from their own choices and decisions. Regardless of how they got that way, once they have allowed themselves to become rotten on the inside, they become useless and undesirable to everyone around them.

Then there are the others.  They can look and act exactly the same as person number one (or banana number one), but on the inside they are sweet, pleasant, and bring happiness to everyone around them.  When you take the time to peel back their layers, you can’t help but notice that they are genuine and loving and kind.  These are the people who you want to be around.  These are the people who you know will always do whatever they can to help others around them.  Their insides are clean and pure and not tainted by their surroundings or their bad experiences.

Two bananas from the same bunch.  Two people from the same group, family, or church.  They can experience the same trials and have been wronged in the same ways.  One becomes useless and unpleasant.  The other stays good and goes on to fulfill it’s purpose - to provide nourishment and joy to others.

So how do you know which bananas to choose if from the outside they look the same?  To be honest, I have no idea.  But I DO know how to choose what types of people to be around.  I do know a way to discern between people who are rotten on the inside and who are not.  

In Galatians 5:22-23, the Bible tells us that people who possess FRUITS (or results) of the Holy Spirit will display the following characteristics:  love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.  People who do not, display FRUITS (or results) of living according to your flesh:  sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division, envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other sins like these. 

So what fruit are people displaying in their lives?  Do they seem to be people who seek peace?  Do they try to resolve disputes with people rather than start them?  Do they put the needs of others before their own?  Are they happy?  Are the nice?  If so, they most likely are good bananas.  OR do they attract or cause drama all of the time?  Are they constantly entangled in arguments? Make their own lusts and desires their first priority?  Are they liars?  Drunks?  Always bitter and jealous of others?  If they are, it is safe for me to say that these people are rotten bananas.  And me saying so isn’t being judgmental, it’s just being honest and being Biblical.

Unlike the poor little banana that Alfred ate today, we are fortunate enough to have a choice as to which bananas we choose to be in a bunch with.  We can decide what kind of bananas we want to be.  And whatever decision you make is going to greatly affect your happiness and usefulness to God and to other people.  I would strongly encourage you to take the choice seriously.

Stay tuned for tomorrow when I decide to finally cut up the cantaloupe that is sitting on my counter.

"16 So I say, let the Holy Spirit guide your lives. Then you won’t be doing what your sinful nature craves. 17 The sinful nature wants to do evil, which is just the opposite of what the Spirit wants. And the Spirit gives us desires that are the opposite of what the sinful nature desires. These two forces are constantly fighting each other, so you are not free to carry out your good intentions. 18 But when you are directed by the Spirit, you are not under obligation to the law of Moses.

19 When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, 20 idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division, 21 envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other sins like these. Let me tell you again, as I have before, that anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the Kingdom of God.

22 But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!

24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have nailed the passions and desires of their sinful nature to his cross and crucified them there. 25 Since we are living by the Spirit, let us follow the Spirit’s leading in every part of our lives. 26 Let us not become conceited, or provoke one another, or be jealous of one another."  Galatians 5:16-24 

Remember how yesterday I said that I was mentally and emotionally prepared for weigh in?  Yeah.  That didn’t work out so well.  I was emotionally prepared to gain a pound or two.  Not ten.

The whole afternoon/evening culminated in a good, old fashioned look-the-other-way-so-the-kids-don’t-see-you cry in the car on the way home from Bible study.  It wasn’t JUST the weigh in I suppose.  It was a culmination of things.  It was a fussy baby who was inconsolable for most of the day.  It was my inability to get a shower due to errands that had to be done.  It was that I twisted my ankle and fell right on my face in the middle of the church building (before anyone else got there thankfully).  And THEN it was stepping on the scale to see that number glaring back at me.  

Granted, for the last weigh in (2 weeks ago), I hadn’t eaten dinner prior to weighing in and this time I did.  Clothes are different, water retention, blah blah blah.  But even if I give myself a huge leeway and say I only gained five real pounds, that is still very disappointing.  I should be doing better than what I am. I am moving in the wrong direction.

I hesitate to share things that are negative sometime because I feel like I am fishing for encouragement.  The truth is, I’m not.  While I do appreciate it, I’m not searching for sympathy or pity - I’m just trying to be as open and real as possible with how I’m feeling because I’m pretty sure that I’m not the only one who feels this way.  And for me, when I know that others fail and succeed at the same things, it gives me needed motivation to keep on.  That’s why I’m sharing with you, because trust me - I would much rather tell you that I think things are going great and I am a success story in the making.  But here is what I was really thinking:

“You are never going to beat this.”
“If you were serious about this, you wouldn’t be putting on weight.”
“You are letting lots of people down.”
“You are lazy.”
“You are gross.”
“You are a disappointment.”  And the list goes on.

I am very aware that this is self defeating talk.  Even the book of Proverbs says, “For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.”  In theory I can tell you that.  In practice, it’s very difficult for me to accept positive self-talk as truth.  Maybe it’s lack of experience at success in this area?  I’m not sure.

By no means am I giving up or anything.  I am still just as (actually more) motivated to whip this.  I just need a minute to dust myself off before I get back on the wagon that I just fell off of face first.  If this were you telling ME that this was your story, I would tell you that it’s not that big of a deal.  I’d tell you to take a look at your food and exercise to see what needs changing and then do it.  I’d tell you that this kind of stuff is normal when you are battling your weight and you just need to fight through it.  I’d tell you to pray about it a lot.  I’d tell you that you have the power and the knowledge necessary for success, you just have to utilize it.

“Commit your actions to the Lord, and your plans will succeed.” Proverbs 16:3

“For the Lord will be your confidence, and will keep your foot from being caught.” Proverbs 3:26

I’m baaaaack.  And I’m still fat.  I may even be a little fatter.  Ten unexpected days at my parent’s house was nice for a lot of reasons.  However, staying on track with good eating habits was not one of those reasons.  Old habits die hard and I surprised myself at how quickly I was able to fall back into the habit of Pop Tarts for breakfast and late night ice cream snacks.  I didn’t drink my 128 ounces of water a day and I didn’t go for a single walk.  Today is weigh-in and I am mentally and emotionally prepared for the effects of my decisions.  I think.

When one of the inmates that my husband works with gets released and decides to go back to their old stomping grounds without extensive planning and thought, I get worried.  One of the strongest triggers for addicts is environment.  Experts say that when a drug addict drives past a house where they used to buy or do drugs, something chemical goes on in the brain to activate old cravings.  The same holds true when a gambling addict goes near a casino or a porn addict goes near a computer.  Or when a food addict gets near the cupboards that hold all of her old comfort foods.  I realize that sometimes these things can’t be completely avoided, so at a minimum they need to be planned for.

My parents had healthy choices in the house.  I’m pretty sure they probably even made an effort to go out specifically to get things to help me.  But wow, when faced with the decision between a bowl of Krave cereal or a bowl of oatmeal, I chose two bowls of Krave every time.  I could have had a turkey sandwich for lunch but it was much more enjoyable for me to go to Chili’s and get chips and queso.  And my daily walks were replaced with trips to pick kids up from school, cleaning up after 5 children and a dog, and resting when I had a moment to myself.  These are the types of things that need stop in order to have long term success.

Some people would say that I just don’t want it bad enough.  And honestly, I think that is a bunch of crap.  I know lots of people who want lots of things desperately and don’t do what needs to be done in order to obtain them.  It’s not a matter of WANT.  It’s a matter of discipline.

Am I willing to go through discomfort in order to achieve what I want?  Can I deny myself temporary pleasure for long term happiness? Do I have what it takes to go against what is easy and push myself to places that are uncomfortable yet necessary for success?  That is what I am struggling with.  Not the desire.

This principle is not new.  When dealing with matters of the flesh (as they are referred to in the Bible), denying yourself is one of the hardest things to do.  Whether it be alcohol, sex, drugs, food, or even just being a lazy person - physical pleasure is extremely difficult to turn down.  So what’s the answer?  Well I guess that may be different for different people, but for me I know where I need to start.  It’s not at the gym or in the grocery store - it’s in the Bible.  Here is what I found today:

It‘s not good to be without self control:
“A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls.” Proverbs 25:28

Self Control is a skill that has to be learned through practice:
“for everyone who lives on milk is unskilled in the word of righteousness, since he is a child. But solid food is for the mature, for those who have their powers of discernment trained by constant practice to distinguish good from evil.” Hebrews 5:13-14

Like the guy getting out of prison (or the girl headed to her parent’s house), you need to plan:
“But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no plans to satisfy the fleshly desires.” Romans 13:14

Even if that means not even LOOKING at the things that tempt you:
“Don’t gaze at the wine, seeing how red it is, how it sparkles in the cup, how smoothly it goes down.” Proverbs 23:21

God has provided us with a way out of every temptation.  That doesn’t mean it’s the easiest choice, but it is there:
“The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure.” 1 Corinthians 10:13

So I guess the lesson for today is that we shouldn’t be like the alcoholic who walks past the bar every day on his way home or like the drug addict who goes to visit his old dealer just to say hi.  Know your limits and practice denying your flesh.  

It’s not fun, but it’s necessary.

I came to my parent's house expecting to stay for two days and am ending up staying for over a week.  I am glad to be able to help but I wish I would've packed a razor.  I've searched high and low but all of the non-hairy men in my family apparently only require single blade razors.  Honestly, I didn't even know they still made those.  When I get home, I am splurging on a five blade one, baby.

Since I am not home and I have been suddenly put in charge of five children (including two teenagers, a teething infant, and the two loudest seven year olds on the face of the planet), my blogging has taken back burner.  Right now I am focusing on not losing, starving, or killing any of them.

I have not done well with my eating habits while at home.  Don't know if it's emotional, circumstantial, or a little bit of both but I can definitely see how the busier you are, the more difficult it is to choose healthy options and make time for exercise.

I will probably be here for a few more days so unless I somehow get time to sit in the quiet and think, I most likely won't post again until I get back home.  Until then, enjoy my silence.  :)

My parents are on their way to Tennessee today to grieve with the wife and family of one of the kindest men I have had the pleasure of knowing. 

After a few years of Leukemia, Don (an old family friend) was finally called home to be where he wanted to be the most.  He was ready.

He was the type of guy who I never knew if he was serious or if he was joking.  He'd joke so often that on occasions when he'd say something serious, there were awkward moments because I inappropriately laughed at him. But he would just keep going until I realized he was serious.  He was a man whose gift was to bring joy to the people around him.  Even in his suffering, he had a smile on his face and made sure that others did as well.

As I sit here this morning, I hear Micah cooing in the other room, Quinton outside beating the ground with a stick, my brother in his bedroom listening to his music and my other brother playing with the dog.  When I get on Facebook I see friends and family posting things about their day to day lives, sending goofy messages, and just sharing things just for the sake of sharing.  So many lives all woven together in different ways but yet we all are looking for the same things:  Love, peace, and happiness.

And while I am sad when I think about the fact that Don won't be at our family Thanksgiving dinners anymore or he won't ever sneak up behind me again and scare me by making a weird noise in my ear, I am also happy because I realize that for him, death was just the beginning of the life that we are all looking for but can't fully obtain while we are still on this earth.  His joy, love, and peace are full and complete.  He wouldn't want to be back here with us if he could.  That knowledge makes me happy.

Today I realize that what matters most in this world is not being the richest or the best looking or the smartest or even the healthiest.  The most important thing is being the type of person, like Don, who will remind people of things that are of God:  things like love, loyalty, peace, joy, righteousness, and kindness just to name a few.

So as I am sure this week will bring many moments of sadness because the world is short one of God's most beloved servants, I am thankful that Don has given me this reminder today.

"That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. For our present troubles are small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever!  So we don't look at the troubles we can  see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever." 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

People always talk about how easy it is to gain weight over the holidays (mainly talking about Thanksgiving and Christmas), but I think everyone missed the boat on those.  At least with those, the main dishes are usually turkey - a lean white meat.  I think the REAL threat to the nation's (or at least my) eating habits can be summed up in two words:  Graduation Parties.  But that's not the topic of this post...that was just a random opinion I thought I'd throw in there.

The second of my three brothers graduated from high school this weekend and I brought the boys up so we could watch him walk across the stage and get his diploma.  We've been staying with my mom and dad, and every time I eat something that I shouldn't, I can see the fear in my mom's eyes and hear her thoughts, "This isn't my fault."  I told her she had better be careful this weekend or she was going to end up being the subject of her very own blog entry.  I like having that leverage.  But that's not the topic of this post either.  I'll save it for a more opportune time.  :)

Today I thought I'd talk about something that's pretty serious. It's something that lots of people struggle with in secret but are afraid to talk about in the open.  It's something that has ripped families apart and brought even the most proud people to their knees.

Carbs.

OK.  So it's not deep at all nor has it ripped families apart, but hey - for me it's a tough one to crack so I'm going to talk about it.

I. love. carbs.  The bad kind.  Potatoes, rice, white bread, pasta, you name it.  They are cheap, filling, and taste good.  Some men and women turn to chocolate or ice cream for comfort, I turn to mashed potatoes.  Or should I say that I TURNED to mashed potatoes.  I have been doing pretty good in my avoidance of them.

I was looking up some stuff online about carb addictions and found this on a website.  I thought it was worth sharing:  "Fast-burning carbohydrates—just like cocaine—give you a rush.   As with blow, this rush can lead to cravings in your brain and intrusive thoughts when you go too long without a fix. But unlike cocaine, this stuff does more than rewire your neurological system. It will short-circuit your body.  Your  metabolism normally stockpiles energy so you can use it as fuel later. A diet  flush with carbohydrates will reprogram your metabolism, locking your food away as unburnable fat. When you get hungry again you won't crave anything but more  of the same food that started you down the path to dependency. Think of this stuff as more than a drug—it's like a metabolic parasite, taking over your  body and feeding itself."

So what is the solution to a carb addiction?  I don't think Atkins or other carb free diets are a long term, sustainable answer.  I think the key is to retrain your brain, taste buds, and body to enjoy and want healthy carbs in smaller doses.

Replace your white stuff with whole grains.  Bread, pasta, and rice all come in healthier forms that, once you get used to them, taste just as good if not better.  Find good substitutions for old favorites.  Spaghetti squash with sauce is a great replacement for angel hair spaghetti.  Mashed cauliflower can serve as a quick mashed potato substitute.  Try rolling sandwiches up in romaine lettuce leaves or napa cabbage  instead of bread.  Both zucchini and eggplant make decent substitutions for lasagna noodles.  Craving pizza?  Try putting your favorite pizza toppings on a portabella mushroom and baking it.

Will any of these things taste exactly like the original?  No.  But if you try them for a month or so, you may surprise yourself at your ability to adapt to the new textures and flavors.  And your waistline will thank you as well.

Next blog post:  How my mom caused all of my body image issues.  ;-)