- I loved my father.
- I am liked by most people who know me.
- I feel I am an important person.
- I hate my father.
- I am disliked by most people who know me.
- I feel I am unimportant.
It’s like they are checking to see if you slip up and strongly agree with two opposite statements. Oh…but I’m onto you big brother. You won’t manipulate me into your sticky web of deception. I’m secure in my opinions of my own psychiatric well-being. I’m not drinking your shrinky kool-aid.
- I sometimes feel like people are out to get me.
- I never feel like people are out to get me.
But I digress. Like I said…that’s the boring evaluation.
Fake paranoia aside, I know that there is something inside my brain/heart/soul that has contributed to, or at least not stopped me from getting to the current physical situation I have found myself in regarding my weight. Because of that, I made a separate appointment with a psychologist/counselor to try and hash out and hopefully fix some things to help me stay on the right path.
One of the dieticians at OSU told me, “We can change people’s stomachs but we can’t change their brains.” If the root of what causes me to rely on food isn’t found, pulled up, and destroyed, then 5-10 years from now I could very easily be right back in the same situation I am in now. And I don’t want that to happen.
So I am going to go and talk to him. I feel like there are a hundred different directions we could go.
- Why do I use food as a reward? Why do I use food to relax?
- Why do I not care about myself enough to put lasting effort into my health?
- Why do I think about food so much?
And since I feel like the core and center of who I am is Spiritual, it was very important to me to find a counselor who openly believes in the Bible as an authoritative source for everything in life. Because I do think that part of the issues and questions I need to face honestly are spiritual in nature.
- Why am I not growing in self-control in this area of my life?
- Why am I not caring for my body the way that God wants me to care for it?
- Why can I not release guilt – which is an overeating trigger for me?
I am the person who gets sucked into the Facebook quizzes that tell me deep revelations about myself from 10 simple questions. What color is your aura? What dead celebrity would be your perfect spouse? If you were a dog, what dog would you be? So I am kind of looking forward to answering a bunch of questions, venting some frustrations, and just seeing where it goes.
That appointment is May 5th. Wish me luck. If you see me after that and I bark every time someone sneezes, he must have secretly hypnotized me.