In the post titled Pick Your Poison, I mentioned some friends of mine whose son just entered rehab for a drug addiction.  At the time, they were full of fear, uncertainty, and nervousness.  But even more than those emotions, they were filled with hope.  They hoped that their son would enter the program and stay there.  They hoped he would successfully follow the steps and not just detox, but also get to the root of why he does what he does.  They hoped he would come out on the other side a renewed man who was no longer enslaved to his addiction.  They hoped this was the first step toward a long, purposeful, and abundant life for their son.

Tonight, his dad stood in front of our church and spoke again.  He talked about how at times he is reluctant to do things that God calls him to do.  He talked about how pride can sometimes get in the way of doing things we know we should.  And he talked about how when we do those things despite ourselves, the reward is great.  And again I felt that although he was talking about his own journey, he was speaking to me.  I jokingly told him before he got up there not to make me cry.  He didn’t listen.

I’m not going to lie.  I am still reluctant to make big changes.  It is now almost 1 AM and I just ate a Snickers bar.  My love for comfort and ease sometimes just outweighs my desire to do what I know I should.  Sometimes I feel like I don’t have control over my own body.  I am in my own way.

I’m not telling you this because I need a pep talk or anything.  I don’t need to be told to hang in there.  I have no plans of quitting.  I don’t need to be told that I’m doing great.  I am doing fairly well in making some changes, but I know I can do better.  On the other hand, I also don’t need to be told that in order to succeed, I need to “just do it.”  I know what kind of resolve and dedication it is going to take to do this - but we all need to go through and fix and address different issues to get us to the point where we CAN just do it.  I’m working it out.

I’m telling you this because when I am struggling with doing things that I have been called to do, I like to hear about other people who are also having a hard time but are not giving up.  I find spiritual strength for my own journey in hearing about others who are persevering.  I don’t always want to hear about the person who had “the perfect plan” for success.   I don’t always want to see the happy after pictures.  We watch daytime TV and read magazines and we see people everywhere who have had complete body and life transformations.   And not to take anything away from those successes, but we don’t always hear about some of the rises and falls that these people go through in order to have “the perfect body“ or “the perfect life” being advertised.

Progress usually isn’t charted on a straight line.  It is full of ups and downs.  Some of those downs can be a cookie (or a Snickers bar) that shouldn’t have been eaten.  Other downs can be days when you swear off vegetables and vow to only eat Pizza Hut for the rest of your life.  But true progress happens when, instead of allowing our downs to keep dipping further, we turn it around and head back up again.  That’s what I need to continually make an effort to do…keep stretching myself further and further towards the goal.

Getting started is usually the hardest part to overcome.  It will take some of us longer than others, and that is okay.  As long as we are moving in the right direction and keep reminding ourselves how great it will be when we can finally claim our prize, we will get there.  And it will all be worth it.

Oh.  And the son of my friends…he called them today for the first time in over a month.  He called to tell them that he had completed phase one of his recovery and had been advanced to phase two.  He is happy.  He is healthy.  He is enthusiastic.  He is no longer addicted to heroin.  Now HE is the one who finally has hope.

Praise God.

“I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me. No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.” Philippians 3:12-14

You know what was like kryptonite to this newly calorie conscious girl today? 

It was a potluck.  Not just your average, run-of-the-mill potluck though…we’re talking a full out church lady potluck.  I believe there were at least 2 types of cheese infused potato dishes, some pizzas, 2 types of potato salad, 2 types of homemade bread, 2 varieties of fried chicken, a very large crock-pot filled with macaroni and cheese (which was delicious I might add), noodles, pork chops, bbq beef, meatballs (both BBQ and the Swedish variety), Uncrustables, that cole slaw/ramen noodle stuff, casseroles, cakes, cookies, puddings, and I’m pretty sure tons of other stuff that I can’t even remember.  Looking back on it, it all is a fuzzy carbohydrate filled haze.

Am I supposed to go to these things with a  piece of grilled chicken and a salad and ignore all of the ooey gooey deliciousness laid out before me?  That would be like sending me back to my mom and dad’s house on Thanksgiving and telling me that I can only have a turkey sandwich.  It just seems unnatural.  And maybe sinful…I mean all of these fine women and men have spent so much time preparing food for us, it would be downright selfish of me to shun their offerings.  I’d hate to offend a fellow Christian brother or sister.  Hey, I’m just trying to do my God appointed duty.  

Or maybe I should have tried this strange technique that I hear some thin people use…I believe it’s called “stopping when you are full.” Pretty sure it has something to do with being able to consume just a small to normal amount of food rather than two main course plates and a dessert plate.  I’ll definitely have to look into that method for the next time.  It sounds like it could work.

But in all seriousness, I didn’t do well today.  I didn’t try ALL of the food listed up there but I definitely ate more than what was needed.  I’m not beating myself up over it or anything (maybe I should be) - but I am glad that I have been making small strides forward and am going to continue to make a conscious effort to focus on the long term changes and immediate successes instead of the inevitable moments of weakness that are going to come.  What I am NOT going to do is consider this as me falling off of the wagon.  If I do that, it will lead to me to feeling like I need to appoint a day in the future to get back on that very wobbly wagon, thus providing me a few days in between to pig out on whatever I want (since after all, I will be really cracking down soon).  That’s my M.O.  Or I should say, that WAS my M.O.

These potlucks are monthly events through the summer so I am going to have to either plan for them accordingly or assign a friend to be the designated hand slapper every time I reach for something that has a crumb topping, a cheese sauce, or a sour cream glaze.

Or maybe I’ll look into that “stopping when you’re full” thing after all.

If you spend any time on Facebook, I'm sure you've seen this video floating around.  I just took the time to watch it and it really was eye opening.  I appreciate Dove and their campaign to address the issues facing people in regards to their self perception and body image.  They direct it at mainly women, but I can tell you that I know for a fact men suffer from some of the same issues women do when it comes to body image.

Sometimes I'll be out in public and see someone and immediately try to figure out if I am bigger or smaller than her.  I’m sure that’s not healthy…comparing myself to other people - but I’m also pretty sure it’s normal.  Usually I just wonder in my own head, but the few times that I have been bold enough to ask someone (usually one of my sisters or my husband) how I “stack up” next to the person in question, I typically find that the person who I think I am pretty comparable to is actually significantly larger than I am.  Self perception is usually pretty inaccurate.

What do you think people see when they look at you?  Is it your out-of-date clothes? Is it that they see a fat person?  Do they see someone with really bad skin?  Dark eye circles?  Bad teeth?  Too tall?  Too short?  Too skinny?  Do they see a balding guy?  Or maybe a girl with really bad hair?


For me it's my weight and my teeth. ( I am missing a tooth and in order to get a replacement, I would need to wear braces for over a year and I am just not willing to go through all of that).  But forever, when I met someone new, I just knew that they were thinking about my size or they thought I was a toothless hillbilly (no offense to hillbillies - I do come from a long and distinguished line of them).  I actually didn't look forward to meeting new people because I thought that these issues were so embarrassing.

As I've gotten older and hopefully somewhat wiser though, I have begun to realize that most of my flaws are exaggerated in my own head.  Most people don't even notice the physical things about me that I tend to obsess over, and if they do notice, they usually don't care one way or another.  Most people are more concerned with your personality than your appearance.

You know what I HAVE been told people noticed about me?  I have been told that I give good hugs.  I've been told that I laugh like Betty Rubble.  I've been told that I am a good teacher.  I've been told that I have a good sense of humor.  And I've been told that I am a good listener.  And all of these are things that I would have never used to define me or my personality.

I say all of this just to give you a little encouragement today.  You probably aren't as different as you think you are.  You probably aren't as unattractive as you think you are.  You probably aren't as invaluable as you think you are.  Just because YOU can't see your positive characteristics, doesn't mean they aren't there.

You were created with God given talents and abilities.  Use those as boldly and as often as you can and THAT is what people will notice about you.

"Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God." 1 Peter 3:3-4

I know, I know.  My body is a temple.  I should not harm it or defile it in any way.  No cutting, smoking, getting drunk, doing drugs, having illicit sex, etc…Right or wrong (which I’m pretty sure it’s wrong), that verse has lost it’s oomph with me.  Maybe it’s years of hearing it and ignoring it or something.  I know it’s true.  And I think it is definitely worth sharing - so here you go.  Read this one…it’s THEE go-to verse.  The standard.  The proof text for caring for your body.  Just because it doesn’t “hit it” with me doesn’t mean that it isn’t relevant or powerful.  

“Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own?  For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s." 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

Hopefully that is enough of a text to convict you one way or another and you can stop reading.  But if you feel like you need more, here are some verses that I found that I have never seen in this light before.

“But Israel soon became fat and unruly; the people grew heavy, plump, and stuffed!  Then they abandoned the God who had made them; they made light of the Rock of their salvation.” Deuteronomy 32:15

That doesn’t sound like a positive description to me.  Interesting how fatness and unruliness go hand in hand here.  And I wonder if the lack of self-control is what led to them making light of God?

"For I have told you often before, and I say it again with tears in my eyes, that there are many whose conduct shows they are really enemies of the cross of Christ. They are headed for destruction. Their god is their appetite, they brag about shameful things, and they think only about this life here on earth.”  Philippians 3:18-19

If your god is your appetite, meaning that you are a slave to food or any other substance, you are an enemy of the cross.  And it is serious enough for Paul (the author) to have tears in his eyes as he told them.  Yikes.

“The parents must say to the elders, ‘This son of ours is stubborn and rebellious and refuses to obey. He is a glutton and a drunkard.’ Deuteronomy 21:20

Know what the next verse says?  That they took the son out and stoned him to death.  Yeah, I’m pretty glad we aren’t under the old law anymore! 

“Do not join those who drink too much wine or gorge themselves on meat, for drunkards and gluttons become poor, and drowsiness clothes them in rags.”  Proverbs 23:20-21

Hmm.  Sounds kind of like, “I spend too much money on food” or “I ate too much, now I need a nap.”

“Now the Lord sent a wind that brought quail from the sea and let them fall all around the camp. For miles in every direction there were quail flying about three feet above the ground. So the people went out and caught quail all that day and throughout the night and all the next day, too. No one gathered less than fifty bushels! They spread the quail all around the camp to dry. But while they were gorging themselves on the meat—while it was still in their mouths—the anger of the Lord blazed against the people, and he struck them with a severe plague. So that place was called Kibroth-hattaavah (which means “graves of gluttony”) because there they buried the people who had craved meat from Egypt.”  Numbers 11:31-34

God provided meat for his people.  They took more than what they needed and  hoarded it.  This made God so angry that he struck them all with a deadly plague while they still were eating.  And to make it even more poignant, they were buried in a place called the Graves of Gluttony.  Not the most honorable sounding death.

After reading some of those Bible verses, here is what I think.

Is having a lack of self-control a sin?  Yes.
Is being a glutton a sin?  Yes
Is having your thoughts preoccupied with food all of the time a sin?  Yes
Is being overweight often a symptom of those sinful behaviors?  Yes.

If you are overweight, am I calling YOU a sinner?  No, and I don’t think it’s fair for anyone else to either.  Look at your own heart, your own circumstances, your own physical health and make the determination within yourself.

Since I have been blogging in the morning and staying busy with various things in the afternoons, my house is a wreck.  I have laundry folded and stacked on the back of my couch, dishes in the sink, and small pieces of shaving cream dotted toilet paper strewn on my bathroom floor (my seven year old must have been playing mad scientist or something).  I am posting now so that tomorrow I can spend the morning cleaning my house.  Glamorous stuff!

I want to share with you some direct quotes that I have received since I have started this blog.

• Be sure that if you drink pop, it is diet.
  
• Put away the diet soda. It is your enemy right now.
  
• You should try Weight Watchers.  It really works!
  
• I’ve tried Weight Watchers three times.  It didn’t work for me.
  
• Egg Beaters are a great option because they are low calorie and low cholesterol.
  
• Eat real eggs instead of egg substitutes.
  
• People like to stress over working out, but what you eat is what really matters.
  
• If you have the right workout, you can pretty much eat what you want.
  
• I have been converted to those Body by Vi shakes.  You should really try them! They are so filling.
  
• Those ViSalus shakes are a scam.  (And they taste bad too.)
  
• Low Carb diets reset your body, causing your sugar and carbohydrate cravings to decrease.
  
• When people do those low carb diets, they usually just end up pigging out on carbs and putting all of their weight back on.
  

Do you see where I’m going here?  It’s not that I don’t appreciate advice…I actually welcome and enjoy it.  But if I would let myself take everything to heart that everyone has told me, my head would start spinning like the little girl on the Exorcist and I may actually explode.

The only other subject that comes to mind where people seem to have as many opinions and contradictions about what works and what doesn’t may be the topic of child rearing.  Cry it out, don’t cry it out.  Breastfeed, bottle feed.  Cow’s milk, goats milk.  Spank, don’t spank…people can get downright vicious.  As a new mom seven and a half years ago, I really stressed about those things as well.  Now, with my second kid, I am so much more relaxed.  I can hear people’s advice, take it into account and then choose to use it or dismiss it.  I’ve learned that while one option may be better for one person, something else may work better for me and my family.

In many areas of weight loss, I’m finding it’s the same.  There are certain things that may work for you that may end up derailing my progress (and vice versa).  I am realizing that true success is going to be found in accepting that there is no magic solution.  No perfect program.  No magic pill.  It’s a matter of trial and error and finding out what works for YOU. 

I’m not saying to disregard all advice you get.  I believe that when we ask for wisdom regarding certain things, our information usually comes in the form of advice from wiser people…but I AM saying to do what you can do.  Don’t let all of the different options and opinions out there bog you down mentally to the point where you don’t do anything.  If you are eating McDonalds for breakfast, Taco Bell for lunch, and Pizza Hut for dinner every day, I guarantee you that pretty much any diet you go with will be a better option than the one you are currently on.

Small changes are better than no changes.  And if it doesn’t work for you this time, don’t give up in frustration.  Take note that it didn’t work, dust yourself off, and try something else.


Just don't stop trying.

Today is Tuesday.   From the time I wake up on Thursday until the time I wake up on Friday, I plan on fasting.  

While I have read about numerous physical benefits that can be derived from fasting, my primary reason for doing this is spiritual.  

My own struggle with weight loss has become a spiritual battle.  I’m not putting this on anyone else - it is something that is deeply personal.  Like an any other addict, I have turned to food fill various voids that food has no business filling.  I have given over my self-control and replaced it with a lack of restraint.  Just like a heroine addict or an alcoholic, I need to break the physical addiction in addition to dealing with the emotional aspects.  I feel like I can’t do it on my own, so I am asking God to strengthen and help me.  I know that in my weakness, HE is his strongest.

Denying myself the physical pleasure of food for a time is a very uncomfortable thing.  I really like to eat.  And on top of the simple physical pleasure that it brings, it brings emotional pleasure as well.  If I don’t have food to turn to when I am sad, or mad, or bored, or frustrated, then I have to turn to something else.  And when you are fasting, it is a deliberate and purposeful effort to turn to God and draw near to HIM to bring you comfort and peace instead of other things.  I plan on praying for strength, for a deeper relationship with Him that will fulfill me more than any physical pleasure, and I plan on praying for others.  

So on Thursday I begin rehab.  And rehab starts off with detox.  I will be physically and spiritually purging.   Who wants to go with me?  Pray about it and think about it.  If you felt led to do it as well, leave me a comment or private message me and let me know.  I would love to be able to share this experience with others who feel like they are in the same boat.

“Each time he said, "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.” - 2 Corinthians 12:9

“Then I turned my face to the Lord God, seeking him by prayer and pleas for mercy with fasting and sackcloth and ashes.” Daniel 9:3


* Please do not fast if you have a medical condition (or any other condition) that could prove to be harmful for you.  If necessary, check with your physician first.

Maybe it’s the sleep deprivation from having a 20 pound five month old who still needs to eat copious amounts of food at 4 am.  Maybe it’s a mental defensiveness that I’ve built up due to past failures.  Or maybe it’s just that I am an unfeeling cyborg.  Regardless of the reasons behind it, I am feeling very disconnected from this weight loss business today.

I think days like today is where the rubber hits the road so to speak.  Obviously, if I were super pumped about things, it would be easy to stay on track.  And in a weird way, it’s easier if I am REALLY struggling because then I can recognize it as temptation and fight through it.  It’s this weird, middle of the road - lukewarm mental place that is proving to be the most challenging for me.

I want to be that person who is wearing sweatbands and jogging in place - ready to conquer the world (a la Kathy Bates in Fried Green Tomatoes). I would like to be in a constant state of inspired motivation.  I would like to feel pride in the fact that I made healthy choices for breakfast this morning.  But honestly, I am just craving some hashed browns and a nap.

Bear with me and my imagery for a moment.  With all of this self reflection and soul searching that I’ve been doing surrounding my weight loss journey, I have developed an image in my head that I think sums up my current status.  Imagine for a minute a set of steps with a door at the top of them (if you want to have my exact mental experience, I specifically envision an old dusty, country porch with a  swinging screen door and 4-5 steps leading up to it.  Totally irrelevant to the meaning, but yet another insight into my brain).  I feel like if I walk up those steps and go through the door then it would be like me finally breaking through to the place where I am in this process full steam ahead.  Right now I feel like I am sitting on the top step.  Sometimes I stand at the door and poke my head in.  Occasionally I might even take a step in, but then I get nervous and come back down.  Sometimes I stay on the porch…and sometimes I run back down into the yard.   Then it’s a process to get back up there again. I'm not sure what I'm afraid of inside but something keeps scaring me off.

I’m laughing right now thinking about how you all must think I’m a total nut job.  But hey…I’m nothing if I don’t keep it honest, right?

So that is where I am today. No big revelations or wise words of advice.  I’m not going through the door.  I’m not in the yard.  I’m sitting on the steps drinking some sugar free free lemonade and eating a cookie.  

Please don’t unsubscribe from me - I will do my best to be more coherent tomorrow.  :-)

It’s easy for us to talk about our physical weaknesses.  We have no problems talking about our health issues or problems we are having at work.  We can talk about our superficial struggles and not feel too uncomfortable.  But what about when things get deeper?  How honest are you willing to be with yourself and with others?  A major part of overall well being is being emotionally and spiritually healthy.  Even though it’s not about weight loss, today I felt compelled to continue the conversation from yesterday about wearing masks.

You may be surprised at the company I keep.  I know people who are addicted to cigarettes, are alcoholics and some who can’t stop taking pain pills.  I have friends who smoke pot, snort cocaine, and shoot up heroine.  I know several people who are addicted to pornography.  I know women who have taken money for sex.  I know men and women who have had lots of sex for free.  I am close with people who have cheated on their spouses, have had abortions, have had homosexual relationships, and have physically abused their spouses and children.  I know people who have murdered.  I know people who have had family members murdered.  I know people who have raped and people who have been raped.  I know people who have molested children and people who have been molested.  I know several people who have attempted suicide.  I know people who have been homeless, who have not had enough money to feed their children, or have the means to get needed medication.  I know people who have secretly gone without heat, electricity, or running water for extended periods because they couldn’t pay the bills.  I know people who fight panic attacks on a daily basis, who can barely bring themselves to get out of bed in the morning because of depression, and some who struggle with schizophrenia, bi-polar disorder, and are crippled by OCD.  

And all of these people are members of the church.

These people aren’t just in poor inner city churches.  These are people from rural areas.  These are people from the suburbs.  These are people from next door.   Sometimes these are people in your own home.  I have been some of these people.

Sometimes in the church we are so focused on making sure that we appear holy, that we forget to just be real.  In our attempt to strive to be like Jesus, we forget that  Jesus was the ONLY one able to live a perfect and sinless life.  We hide our weaknesses because we think that we will appear stronger to others, when in reality - true strength comes from being able to confess your sins and struggles to others so that you can encourage and be encouraged.  That’s what true fellowship is really all about.  And sometimes, in our fear of things that are considered sinful, we alienate people in the world who show obvious signs of their issues.  We need to remember that we have been commanded to avoid sin, not sinful people.  We have actually been charged with the opposite - to seek them out in order offer them the same Good News that you have been given.

And sometimes people who aren’t a part of the church can look at people in the church and see their sins and struggles and automatically label them as hypocrites.  How dare they claim to be Christians and still do such-and-such.  On one hand, you are right - Christians are held to a higher standard.  But on the other hand, Christians are simply just sinners who have been forgiven.  And people who continually need forgiveness.  The church is kind of like a support group for sinners…so don’t be so quick to be judgmental if you see someone who is making an effort at holiness slip up on occasion…we all do.

We are all a mess in some way or another.  If you view yourself as someone who is broken and ashamed, take comfort in the fact that you have the ability to be forgiven and redeemed.  If you view yourself as someone who does no wrong,  then be careful…pride comes before destruction.

Take an honest self evaluation today.  Be honest.  Then go out and be real.

Trying to make others think you look better than you are is really just a form of self-bondage.

It wasn’t until I was in my late 20’s that I would leave my house without wearing makeup and doing my hair.  I even remember going on a family vacation to a remote cabin in WV when I was around 16 and it being a big deal that I decided not wear makeup while we were there.  I have a very specific memory of walking out onto the back porch as the sun hit my face and wondering when was the last time that the skin on my face had been directly exposed to sunlight.  It was pretty extreme. Some people around me today may desperately wish I’d return to those habits, but I personally enjoy taking my son to school in a pair of sweats with mascara smudged on my face and my hair in a bun on top of my head.  It builds character.

It was a real pain to keep that up.  I couldn’t ever just hop up and go somewhere on the spur of the moment…I’d need at least 20 minutes to get ready for wherever I went.  On bad hair days (days when I couldn’t get my bangs to their full height of 8 inches) or days when I’d go to school and realize that I’d forgotten to put on my eyeliner or to put in my earrings, I would feel awkward and uncomfortable all day.  And gym class was the worst.  For an entire semester, I dreaded school because I had gym first period.  I’d get all sweaty and then not have time after class to get myself back together the way that I would like, so I would look for any excuse to miss class and would even sometimes forge notes from my mom to the gym teacher excusing me from participating.

Now that I look back at the way I was, I can see how extreme that behavior was and how kind of sad and pathetic it was as well.  To be so desperate to maintain a certain image solely to impress other people takes up a lot of mental energy and effort.

As exhausting as that was, I guarantee you that it is more exhausting to try and keep up appearances emotionally and mentally.  And simply from the e-mails that I have been receiving from women (and men) regarding this blog, I know it’s true for most of us.  Our body issues, our past hurts and scars, our fears, things that we are sad about, things that we are embarrassed about, things that we are angry over…all of these things are part of who we are and they are all things that we try to hide from other people so they don’t think we are nutso or in some way, a lesser person.

But let me tell you this…there is real freedom in just getting the truth out there.  Is your worst fear telling someone that you weight 370 pounds?  Well just get it out there and then you have one less fear to worry about.  Is your worst fear letting people know that you have a drinking problem?  Is it that you struggle with anxiety or depression?  Or is your worst fear that people find out that your marriage is not perfect, your kids misbehave, your house is a wreck, or that you don’t know if you have enough money to pay next month’s bills, or have enough gas to get to where you need to go?  I’m telling you…as someone once said - make your mess your ministry.  Get it out there and watch as people with similar issues start coming out of the woodwork.  You will bless yourself and you will bless other people.

And the irony in the whole deal is that by hiding our faults in order to make people like us more, we are actually hindering opportunities to develop new bonds with people.  Everyone wants to know that it’s ok to not be perfect…and when someone puts themselves out there and admits it, we are drawn to them.

Today just try to be real.  I guarantee you it is a whole lot easier to be open and honest than it is to try and make sure that everywhere you go, you didn’t forget to put on your mask.

“For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God's glorious standard.” Romans 3:23

“Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.” James 5:16

I had an epiphany yesterday.  Well epiphany might be a bit strong.  Maybe it was more of a realization.  However you look at it, I think I might be on the verge of an important mental shift.  I’m not fully there, but I can feel my thoughts teetering back and forth, trying to readjust themselves.

As I was looking online for some different low calorie recipes, I realized that none of them seemed to be at all appealing to me.  I started thinking about what it was that I was craving.  Maybe if I could pinpoint that, I could narrow down my search.  Then I realized that what I really wanted was a low fat, low calorie, high fiber, and delicious version of Olive Garden’s Steak Gorgonzola Alfredo (my fav-o-rite).  Once I let the ridiculousness of that request sink in, I started thinking again.  I am always looking magic low-calorie food that tastes as good and is as satisfying as that bowl of mashed potatoes and gravy.  I’ve also been looking for that perfect exercise or workout routine that I look forward to doing more than sitting on Facebook or watching a movie.  I’ve been looking for that weight loss program that promises me that if I do exactly what they say, I will lose weight quickly and without much work.  And when I can’t find those things, I feel like I’m not doing something right so I stop (usually telling myself I will get back on the wagon again once I find something that “works” - or in other words, works easily).

The other day, someone gently challenged my level of commitment to this process.  They said that I wasn’t “all in.”   After objectively thinking about it some, I came to the conclusion that I AM committed to this process, BUT I do realize that I may have been in a little bit of denial about the level of sacrifice that it’s going to take to get accomplished what I want to accomplish.  It’s not like I’m looking to drop those last 10 pounds from winter.  I want to lose at least 150 pounds.   That doesn’t happen just by asking for my ranch dressing on the side.

I need to keep working on my mind.  It’s not ever going to be easier to live an active, healthy lifestyle than it is to eat whatever you want and sit around.  It isn’t always going to be pleasant.  Sometimes I am going to be sore and out of breath.  It is most likely going to be a slow process.  In today’s world of fast results, that one might be the hardest for me to swallow.

Long story short, in order to have long term happiness, I am going to have to deny myself some pleasure.  This is what I am going to be meditating on today.    

“I discipline my body like an athlete, training it to do what it should. Otherwise, I fear that after preaching to others I myself might be disqualified.”  I Corinthians 9:27

“And he said to all, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.” Luke 9:23