There is a man in the prison where my husband works who had sex with two ten year old girls that he was babysitting.  When asked about the incident, he said that they both looked much older than ten.  His second statement was that their mom was sexually aggressive (to put it nicely) and had trained her girls up the same way, causing them to come on to him.

I know - it’s ludicrous and appalling. Anyone with common sense can look at this guy’s words and see that EVEN IF what he says is true, it doesn’t make what he did acceptable in any way.  Even though he has been tried and convicted, he still refuses to truly accept any blame or responsibility for the evil nature of his crimes.  As a result, he will continue to suffer for his own actions, as he shows no signs of rehabilitation or remorse.

On a less horrific scale, I see the same mentality creeping in all around me and it makes me nervous.  People everywhere are turning to diagnoses to excuse their bad behavior…self included.

I have a food addiction.
I am addicted to pornography, 
I am an alcoholic.
I am gay - it’s just the way I was born.
I am a shopaholic.

What if, instead of making things sound so clinical, we called things out the way that the Bible sometimes does?

I am a glutton.
I am filled with lust.
I am a drunk.
I act on my homosexual desires.
I have no self control.

Does that raise your defenses?  I know it does mine.

In John 8 when the woman who was caught in the act of adultery was brought to Jesus to be condemned, he shocked everyone by essentially telling them to let her go.  This isn’t a pass or an excuse for her behavior though.  After the crowds were gone, he turned to her and I assumed very gently told her to “Go. And sin no more.”  Notice that he didn’t tell her to go and get counseling, do some soul searching, make a life plan and when she felt she fully understood all of the whys and hows of her behavior THEN stop sinning.  No, it was immediate.  “Go and don’t sin anymore.”

Before I get a bazillion e-mails and private messages, I am not saying that addictions are fake.  I think they are the real deal Holyfield (really dorky and old Snoop Dog reference there for you).  Sometimes, our poor decisions and choices to sin can cause physical changes in our flesh (neuro pathways are changed, dopamine receptors are affected, etc…).  But I am saying is that I see nowhere in scripture where God makes allowances for sin due to our addictions.  

Sometimes we indulge in our flesh to the point where it becomes a physiological problem.  Romans 6:16 says, “Do you not know that if you present yourselves to anyone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one whom you obey, either of sin, which leads to death, or of obedience, which leads to righteousness?”  Basically what that is saying is that if you choose to obey your flesh (or to be more specific if you choose to indulge in porn, alcohol, excessive eating, shopping, or sex), then that is what you will become a slave to.   Or you can choose to indulge in things pertaining to obedience and then you can become a slave to righteousness.

"For they sow the wind, and they shall reap the whirlwind." Hosea 8:7

I found this verse earlier today.  I have never paid attention to this verse before, but it really drives home the point that I’m getting at.  And that point is this - our addictions are not given to us out of the blue.  They are consequences of our own actions.  Even though it is hard (maybe even harder than it would be for someone else), we still will reap the consequences of our sin if we don’t stop the behavior.

Go. And sin no more.

If you struggle with making healthy food choices, the worst thing you can do is keep yourself in a constant state of deprivation.  You've got to eat...just make sure you aren't eating things that are bad for you.

I've been there.  You hear your whole life that the formula to losing weight is simply burning more calories than you take in, so it seems that the logical next step would be to take in as few calories as possible.  If you don't eat, you don't have to worry about the calories in part and you'll be on a calorie burning deficit.

What that formula fails to cover is that eating healthy, much like in math, is not a cut and dry formula.  In math there are things called polynomials.  A polynomial is a mathematical expression that includes constants and variables.  Some things (like calories in vs. calories out) are constants...meaning that always holds true.  But there are also variables to consider.  These variables affect how the calorie burning/weight loss process works. A few variables to consider when trying to lose weight are things like stress, hormones, water intake, metabolism, and the amount and type of exercises you are doing are just a few variables.

When we deprive ourselves of food and don't eat enough, some of these variables begin to sabotage the original calorie in/calorie out formula.  First, when we don't eat enough, our metabolism slows down.  And when this happens, we burn fewer calories than we would if we were eating sensible meals and snacks.  Secondly, when you deprive yourself, you deprive yourself of the energy that you need in order to get adequate exercise.  And as we all know, a lack of exercise = slower weight loss results.

Perhaps the most compelling reason I've found to not starve yourself is the realization that it is during times of deprivation when Satan is most likely to rear his sneaky, ugly head and try to get you to overindulge your flesh and thwart your best laid plans.  Think about it.  When did Satan directly tempt Jesus?  When he was in the wilderness fasting.  Satan knew when Jesus would be at his weakest. When did the Israelites grumble and complain the most about God?  When they were in the desert.  They hadn't had food and they had all but forgotten all that God had just done to free them from slavery.

The same holds true with other things too...it's not just food.  If we mismanage our money and are broke, we are more likely to get money via means that aren't ethical or sometimes even legal.  Men may be more likely to turn to pornography if they feel lonely or rejected.  Women may be more likely to look for solace in the arms of another man if she feels like she is being deprived of understanding.  We feel empty and unfulfilled and Satan uses those feelings to push us toward something (anything) other than God to try and fill those longings.

If you can't see the physical disadvantages caused by depriving yourself of healthy food, then at least take note of the spiritual ones.  Unless you are intentionally fasting for spiritual purposes (which is a whole separate post altogether), keep yourself in that healthy place of moderation.  One extreme or the other will only lead to more failure and heartache down the line.

“In the desert they longed for food. In that dry and empty land they put God to the test.” Psalm 106:14

In preparation for an upcoming women’s weekend that I am helping to facilitate, I have been thinking about and studying the idea of Biblical beauty in women.  Wait…don’t leave.  I know you already know that God doesn’t look at our outward appearances.  I also know that you know that we shouldn’t worry about things like clothes because God just wants us to be clothed with meek and gentle spirits.  That’s not what this blog is about.

My goal for today is actually to compel you to do something extreme.  I want you to see the value in doing something that for many women (especially those of the stay-at-home mom or college student variety) is on the same difficulty level as running a full marathon, changing your own oil in the car, or actually finishing a Keanu Reeves movie.

Today I want you stretch yourself beyond your normal capabilities.  Take a few deep breaths, steel your spine, and put one foot in front of the other.  Go to the bedroom, open your closet, and just do it.  Get dressed.  (Gasp!)  Today I want you to get some clean, non-stained, decent clothes and put them on  your body.  No sweats.  No t-shirt.  And yes ladies, I even want you to put on a bra.  And when you’re done with that, brush your hair and throw on a little makeup and perfume.  I know it’s confusing.  You may be asking yourself, “But where I am I going?  Do I have an appointment I forgot about today?“  Don’t’ worry, it’s o.k.  I am asking you to do this EVEN IF you’re not planning on leaving the house.

I’m not saying we need be like June Cleaver and wear heels and a corset under our house dresses while we tackle dirty diapers, dishes, or that 10 page paper that is due.  But what I am saying is that in our eagerness to embrace the fact that we are more than nice clothes and pretty faces, we have abandoned all hope of looking like Audrey Hepburn and adopted more of a 90’s grunge/Kurt Cobain look.  As a matter of fact, I am sitting here right now in a pair of torn cotton Capri pajama pants, an oversized t-shirt with not one, but two stains on it, and a messy bun on the top of my head.  But today I am going to buck the urge to stay this way and am going to get dressed before noon.

Just do it.  You will feel better about yourself, you will be more productive, and your husband will appreciate it (because like it or not, they were created to appreciate physical beauty as well as inner beauty).  Of course our inner beauty is what truly radiates out of us and does the most brightening of the world, but sometimes we have to look the part outwardly before our inner selves can fully function on the level it is supposed to.  As any woman who is having an I-have-nothing-to-wear-that-fits-me day, an I-hate-my-nose day, or simply a bad hair day knows, when we feel gross on the outside, we usually start a downward spiral emotionally as well.

And if none of that is motivation enough for you, just do it because I don’t care what anyone says, it is always better to smell like soap and water than to smell like diaper rash cream or yesterday’s leftover Mexican food.

“You have ravished my heart,
My sister, my spouse;
You have ravished my heart
With one look of your eyes,
With one link of your necklace.
How fair is your love,
My sister, my spouse!
How much better than wine is your love,
And the scent of your perfumes
Than all spices!
Your lips, O my spouse,
Drip as the honeycomb;
Honey and milk are under your tongue;
And the fragrance of your garments
Is like the fragrance of Lebanon.”  - Song of Solomon 4:9-11

After a month of pretty much no significant weight loss (½ pound), I am switching it up again.  I really liked doing the South Beach diet but whether it is the diet itself or user error, something isn’t jiving.  For the most part I feel like I stayed within the diet’s guidelines.  I can think of a few areas where I could have been more strict, but the amount that I cheated didn’t justify the complete lack of weight loss for an entire month.  I had an initial loss of 16, a gain of 6 and then nothing.  

So it’s back to monitoring calories for a while.  I don’t enjoy having to tabulate while I eat lunch, but if it works it is worth it.  I’m also going to try the My Fitness Pal app again and see if I can stick to it more stringently, at least until I get a good grasp of how many calories I tend to take in.

I am going to start incorporating some walking into the mix as well.  I admittedly have been avoiding the exercise aspect of overall health because of physical issues.  I recently found out that I have some arthritis and muscle spasms in my back.  It’s a catch-22 because if I don’t exercise it will get worse but when I do exercise it hurts more.  I have used that as a reason to not do it but now I need to just push through and do it anyway.  I am supposed to start seeing a physical therapist next week - hopefully that will help out as well.

Although the scale doesn’t reflect a lot of positive growth (or shrinkage to be more accurate), I still feel pretty good about things.  I still believe that I will eventually lose the weight I need to…I don’t struggle with that as much as I used to.  Now it’s just a matter of patience.  I want it to all be gone NOW.  But I have been slowly accepting that it didn’t come overnight and it’s not going to leave overnight.  As long as I am moving in a healthier, more self-controlled direction, I am good.

I have also been reading a book called Made To Crave by Lysa TerKeurst which has been very helpful.  I would definitely recommend it - especially if you are in a place where you can see your struggle with your weight as a spiritual battle.  I am about half way through and there have been several Aha Moments in it already.

It’s a little discouraging to see that it’s been almost a year and technically I am up.  I have to try and focus on the positives and pray that at this time next year I am singing a more successful tune.  Thanks for following along with me so far.