Clothing shopping is not fun for me. There are a lot of factors that have to come together in order for me to have a successful encounter with a department store. I can count on one hand the times that I would classify my outings as pleasant.
First of all, there can be no children present. Trying on clothes can be a mini-workout in and of itself for me so lugging a 22 pound baby, 20 pound diaper bag, and whatever clothes I am daring to try on while also repeatedly having to shake sense into a hyperactive seven year old is almost enough to send this girl into cardiac arrest. I’d be sweaty and exhausted before I even stepped foot in the dressing room. So no kids is a must.
The second and third factors that have to be in place in order for me to not leave the store in tears are that I need to be well rested and not in need of food. Me trying to find clothes when I am sleepy or hungry is like asking a rabid dog to sit…it’s just not going to work. I can only stand under those harsh lights and try on so many pairs of jeans that won’t zip, are too short, too tight in the front and too loose in the butt before I’m ready to throw myself off a bridge anyway - so if I start off already in a bad mood, I am asking for a mental meltdown of epic proportions.
Lastly, I have to be willing to pay more than your average skinny girl just to achieve the same look. Did you know that some stores actually charge for extended sizes? I guess it makes sense - more fabric is used and all, but still. That’s kind of embarrassing. And while our skinny sisters can go to thrift stores and find endless cart fulls of bargain vintage clothes, the plus sized sections are usually about 1/30th of the size of the rest of the women’s clothing section. So while they get their $2 pair of lightly worn Abercrombie and Fitch jeans, I get to choose between the African inspired moomoo and the grease stained Lane Bryant t-shirt in one of four colors. Usually, I just go over to the housewares section and end up finding some cute bowls or kitchen gadgets.
So if you know me personally and have noticed that I typically wear the same few outfits over and over, it’s not because I don’t care about my appearance or that I’m letting myself go to pot. It’s that I am still waiting for all of these mitigating factors to fall into place for me. Hmm, so let’s see - no kids, a good night’s sleep, a well balanced meal, excess money, and the time to drive over an hour away to get to a mall that has more than one store that is full figure friendly…I am pretty sure that I should be ready for a good shopping spree in about 18 years.
Reason 104 why I am looking forward to shedding some pounds. It would make this whole clothes shopping thing a lot less complicated.