When I am ISO (that means “in search of” mom) a reward for a day well played, I personally turn to food. There is nothing more relaxing to me than sitting in front of the TV or the computer with some food and just vegging out while I watch an episode of Law and Order or dumb viral videos on YouTube. It’s like I run, run, run all day and then when the phone stops ringing, the kids are in bed, and my husband falls asleep, I can take off the restricting clothes, put on my pajamas and just CHILL. And what says “chilling” like some ice cream, chips, or heck - sometimes I may even eat an entire plate of spaghetti. I’m not saying it’s pretty - but it does happen. More often than I care to admit.
I’ve never read 50 Shades of Grey but from what I understand, it is about a woman who is pretty bored with her life until she meets a man who awakens her emotionally via his very dominant and controlling sexual pursuit of her. She feels dissatisfaction with her life and begins to rely on him to raise her pleasure sensors. Well take Mr. Grey out and put in mashed potatoes and that’s me.
And from what I have heard from many of you, I know that I am not alone in this. Secret eating and eating for a job well done as a reward is very, very common. And it is also very, very unhealthy.
Part of the reason I wait until after everyone is in bed in order to start eating is because there is nobody around to see. It’s like it doesn’t count if nobody but me knows. There have actually been days when I am monitoring and writing down my calories (for my own personal reference mind you) that I have omitted things I’ve eaten in secret, as if the actually never happened.
Like the drug addict who sneaks into the bathroom to shoot up or the lonely housewife who pretends to go to store only to meet a man who is not her husband, whenever you feel the need to hide something, there is usually a reason why. For me, I hide it because I know that I am eating out of pure compulsion, NOT because I am hungry. I am searching for something to activate the pleasure sensors in my brain and I have trained myself to do that with food. And I know it’s not right. So it has become my dirty little secret.
If I could cut out my secret eating, I am guessing I could omit 500 calories a day from my diet. Well I have decided to start with something that may be a given to some people but to me is major. I told my husband that I do this at night and have told him that I am committing to not eating after he goes to bed. And now I am letting you know. Because you are my new accountability partner.
Well it’s 9:21 and I’ve got about 45 minutes before the man starts to doze off on the couch. I better go get my turkey leg and stuffing now while I still can.
(Just kidding…but I AM going to go get a few pretzels and mustard. And that’s o.k.)